dangelo-2

The Last Word: One-Year Anniversary Awards Starring T-Pain, D’Angelo, Amy Winehouse, Alicia Keys, and more!

How are you? Another week, another 15 cents made, and we’re still around to tell the story about how Mother Nature is causing floods, hot weather and tornadoes around the country.Apple unveils a new iPhone, Big Brown disappoints a lot of people by coming in dead last at the Belmont Stakes and a CNN investigation finds that $85 million in goods meant for Hurricane Katrina victims being given away to other agencies.Thoughts and prayers go out to the families of those boy scouts killed in the aftermath of that deadly tornado in Iowa. Congratulations to Jessica Alba and her husband Cash Warren on the birth of their baby girl Honor. Shout out to the sounding boards (particularly my boy Ant) for helping me construct what’s on the page this week and the graduating class of 2008, who is ready to conquer the word.  I said last week that I was going to officially mark the one-year anniversary of Last Word, and here it is. Many thanks to the Big Boss Lady for giving me this format to do what I do.  Ladies and Gents… the first ever Last Word MLW (Most Likely to do Whatever) Awards for the year ending June 13, 2008. 1. Most Likely to Say “Hi My Name Is…and I’m an Addict” Amy Winehouse: With a hit album, a husband in jail and continuous reports of suspected drug use, it’s no wonder that this honoree has captured the hearts of drug rehab administrators the world over. And she hasn’t even gotten to album number three yet. What more can Amy do to ensure she has solid material to sing about on that third opus? Psychotic episodes aside, she did win five Grammys and is gradually gaining new fans with a new double disc version of her debut album. But if the songs sound anything like that racist medley she sang on a recently discovered video, then she could face extended M.I.A. status while getting the V.I.P. treatment at your friendly neighborhood rehab. Nevertheless, I predict that Amy will come out as strong as Kanye while declaring “I am drug free and have (insert number of days here) days of sobriety.” Maybe.Runners-Up: Britney Spears: Nominated for “Toxic” lifestyle and parenting skills. Although drugs may be a contributing for those poor parenting skills. Whitney Houston: Nominated for her well-publicized alleged drug use. Although with the absence of Bobby, those issues have seemingly been resolved. We’re pulling for you Whitney. Stay tuned… 2. Most Likely to Become “Tired” of Hearing Him or Herself All Over the Radio (and on Everybody Else’s Album) T-Pain: The name alone conjures up thoughts of duets. When you’re known more for your ringtones and features than for your own material, there’s something out of place. Much respect, though, to our honoree as we can’t go long without hearing his actual voice or vocoder on something that has his name beside it. From Flo-Rida to DJ Khaled to Chris Brown and Akon, it must be nice to know you can’t escape yourself. Let’s hope he takes it all in stride. I would hate for the rapper “turnt sanger” to become a casualty of the imminent vocoder backlash. Music may be the same, but it would sound a little strange to not have T-Pain right there in the mix. Let’s hope the brother doesn’t get so “tired” of being all over the place that he secretly sets up an “I Hate T-Pain and His Damn Vocoder” website full of less than respectful comments and images of Teddy Penderass-down himself. Runners-Up: Akon: Nominated for singing every other hook you hear on the radio despite trying out for the WWE with his stage throwing antics last year. Talk about takin’ over. Chris Brown: Nominated for crossover appeal, Chris has urban and pop radio on lock. Ne-Yo: Singer, songwriter, actor, If you’re not tired of hearing him, then you will probably get more than your fill of seeing him. Especially with that mug shot he took after getting busted for reckless driving earlier this year. *Rap Honorable Mention: Lil’ Wayne 3. Most Likely to Keep Fans Feenin’ for Another Album Lauryn Hill: Ten years and we’re still waiting for L-Boogie to give us a follow-up to the Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. I won’t say too much, other than I’m like a lot of folks and am anxiously waiting for Lauryn to give us something new. To hear a full explanation of why Ms. Hill won out in this category, check out Kathy’s Miseducation commemoration story here.Runners-Up: D’Angelo: Nominated for making us wait eight years and counting for a solid successor to Voodoo. A recently released greatest hits CD/DVD just won’t cut it. We can patiently wait for so long. Maxwell: Nominated for a seven-year hiatus that needs to be over. Since when did R&B singers start getting the Dr. Dre sickness? Give us something! A jingle for a commercial, song off a soundtrack, something! Sade: Nominated for being in the same state as D’Angelo. Eight years seems like an eternity for this nominee because of all the classics she and her band have blessed us with. Hall of fame status is coming, but I still believe Miss Adu still has something for us fans to enjoy.4. Most Likely to Follow the Jay-Z/Beyonce Relationship Plan Rihanna and Chris Brown: Just call our honorees the second coming of Hip-Hop’s premier power couple (sorry Foxy and Rick Ross). From the KFC make-out session (complete with free meal offer) to the up close and personal contact at the pool to the standard downplaying, it’s clear to see that the RiRi and Mr. Brown are making known moves undercover. What’s next: A remake of Atlantic Star’s “Secret Lovers” called “That’s What We’re Not” or a jump across the old broom. Or in this case a walk under the umbrella. Runners-Up: Ray J and whoever else is next on his “hit” list: Nominated for adult capers in front of the camera. Get the video if you don’t know. Young Dro and Fantasia: Nominated for displaying their hood romance for everyone to see. Life is truly not a fairy tale Alicia Keys and Kerry “Krucial” Brothers: Nominated for taking the silent road when it comes to rumors of them being more than business associates. Then again, ask Swizzy’s wife Mashonda what she thinks about that. Honorable Mention: Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey5. Most Likely to Earn a Mint While on Lockdown R. Kelly: Although the charges are pending with the case being delayed many times, Kells has managed avoid the long arm of the law without worrying how to pay for his legal defense. Enter into evidence, the count ‘em eight albums this guy has dropped since the child porn video scandal and charges came up: The Best of Both Worlds with Jay-Z, Chocolate Factory, The R. In R&B Collection Vol 1, Happy People/U Saved Me, Unfinished Business with Jay-Z, TP-3: Reloaded, Remix City Vol. 1 and Double Up. No wonder he’s not sweating the trial. With money coming in from all of these projects, Kelly could perform a standing room only concert at an elementary school with the judge as the special guest of honor and have no worries at all. Hakuna Matata for the power of the justice system. Only in America. Runner-Up: Ron Isley (aka Mr. Biggs): Nominated for not giving Uncle Sam his due by not paying taxes. Although Ron and Ernie Isley are an old school, that adds to their novelty and ability to generate cash with not only their latest project, but their classic albums Honorable Mention: D’Angelo 2008 Lifetime U.N.I.T.Y. Award The Jackson Family: Legal problems and new album talk for Michael along with less than stellar support for Janet’s latest album from her record label and rumors of certain family members being less than well off and working at a local grocery store. Crazy stuff but the Jacksons still continue to keep us interested. No matter what, they manage to do something that will have talking. And they stay unified through all the craziness. You hardly hear any of them badmouth the other.And so with all of that, The Jacksons beat out the Knowles family for this distinguished honor. I guess Joe can rest easy now that all those beatings and tough talk have paid off.

blog comments powered by Disqus