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What Ray J’s “I Put Her On” Album Will Sound Like

(AllHipHop News) William Ray Norwood Jr. has been in the news almost ever year even whe he is not releasing music. Past events suggest he possesses no filter. He’s had physical altercations with Fabolous, radio tirades and of course, the sex tape scandal which elevated the stardom of the relatively unknown Kim Kardashian. Better known as Ray J, the singer/songwriter recently announced he’s releasing an album entitled I Put Her On with the single “I Hit It First” to be released on iTunes on April 9th.

A blind man in a dark room with soap in his eyes can see where this album is probably going so let’s venture into what Ray J’s new album will be…hypothetically.

Intro

Regular Bush

With a chorus consisting of “you only got that reggie bush” being screamed repeatedly from an autotuned Ray J, the crooner flips the name of one of Kim Kardashian’s former flames’ , Reggie Bush, to be a double entendre (Not #TripleAuntAndre) for marijuana and Kim K’s “regular” sex game.

I Hit It First

What’s G.O.O.D.? (featuring Consequence)

After hearing Consequence actually write the lyric “light skin is the right skin” from a Love & Hip Hop episode he officially became a “He’ll Say Anything” all star. With Cudi and Common leaving G.O.O.D. Music in less than a year of each other and Pusha T revealing who gave Cons his front teeth, there’s enough ammunition for Consequence to make his own scorned revenge album.

In Or Out? (Featuring Future)

” I got an indoor pool, an outdoor pool”-Ray J

Ray J uttered these lines in an altercation with Fabolous and etched himself in social media infamy. Ray J has no shame in flipping past failures into future “successes”. Imagine Future’s “I woke up in a new Bugatti” chorus from Ace Hood’s song “Bugatti”. Now, imagine that same chorus but with the words “I got an indoor pool/I got an outdoor pool/So girl…you in or out?” Now repeat. Add some Young Chop/Mike Will Made It/Lex Luger “trap rap” hi hats and snares and you have “In Or Out”.

Mr. TMZ (Skit)

SCENE: Ray J gets a phone call from Game.

Game: “Yo Ray, another chick in the tabloids saying I’m her baby daddy. It’s so tough being us.”

Ray J: “I know. Paparazzi around me so much I adopted one of them. [Laughs] *Phone beeps* hold up Benzino calling me.

Game: “That’s the homie, put him on conference call.”

*Conference call begins*

Ray J: “Yo ‘Zino, Game on the line with us.”

Benzino: “What’s up Chuck? You getting massacred by these tabloids like me, cuz?”

Game: “Yeah man it’s.. *phone beeps* hold up it’s Budden. I’m going to patch him through.”

*Joe enters*

Game: “Joe, you on the line with Ray J and Benzino too.”

Joe: [in best Barry White impersonation voice]: *Long sigh* “Hi guys. How are..”

Ray J: “Yo, not to cut you off Joey B, but I just thought of something. If you think about it. The internet is world wide, right? We the most talked about dudes on these internet streets, right? That means we the most talked about men in the world, right? Sh*t all the traffic we bring to TMZ, we probably should own that motherfu*ker”

*Group laughter* *Group Silence* *Sound of a light bulb clicking on*

Ray J:  I HAVE A BRILLIANT IDEA!

*Fade into next song*

Mr. TMZ (Feat./ Game, Benzino & Joe Budden)

POSSE CUT ALERT! POSSE CUT ALERT!  Imagine A$AP Rocky “1 Train” but full of reality TV show references. A few “I’m loving Hip Hip (Love N Hip Hop)”, a few “Globetrotter, I’m a WorldStar” and a whole lot of dirty laundry being aired out by Hip Hop reality TV’s leading men…and Ray J.

I Been On (Feat./ Moesha)

No typo. Over Beyonce’s “I Been On”, Ray J’s older sister Brandy reprises her role as his cousin-turned-paternal-half-sister Moesha from the 90′s comedy show to remind him they were TV stars years before we kept up with any Kardashian. Also, while she’s here (and in an alter-ego she can defer blame to) Moesha will probably send a light shot at  Beyonce who essentially said “I run R&B, y’all just peasants” on “Bow Down/I Been On”.

Mistake

This is the ballad. Better description: This is the ballad where Ray J hints that he should have been the first to impregnate Kim and even alludes to her unborn child being a mistake. Before you scoff at the notion that Ray J would stoop so low as to call another man’s unborn child a mistake peep the evidence:

Evidence A: “I Hit It First”

Evidence B: Ray J once harmonized these lyrics on his song “Snakes In The Grass”:

“Make sure you don’t bleed and stuff/Make sure this aint your bloody week, you sl*t.

Blame Game(Remix)  (featuring Amber Rose and Kris Humphries)

There is no better way to end an album implicitly dedicated to Kim Kardashian than remixing the most scathingly detailed breakup letter from a rapper to a model ever. Simple. This could be the song that reveals it all. Ray J could sing rap narrate a story where he confirms the lingering rumor that Kim and her mother, Kris Jenner were behind the sextape release. Amber Rose, the unfortunate topic of the original “Blame Game” could finally go into detail about Kim’s home-wrecking ways like she hinted in numerous interviews earlier last year.

“They were both cheating on me and Reggie with each other. She was sending pictures, and I was like, ‘Kim, just stop. Don’t be that person,” Rose told Star Magazine in Janruray of 2012.

Then to end the song and the album, Kris Humphries comes in and simply says: “I know who/ did you know what/with you know who/ Let’s just keep that between me and you. For now.”

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