The views expressed in this Sound-Off are not the views expressed by AllHipHop.com.
I’m back to give you more of my wonderful insight because I love you all like Nick Cannon loves Mariah’s accountant. (I hear they ain’t got no pre-nup!)
So these past few weeks, if you’ve turned on the TV or read newspapers or blogs, all everyone kept talking about was the 15-year old Disney chick Miley Cyrus’ controversial topless photo. Miley has been pretty much the center of controversy. I’m sure Miley is feeling pretty bad right now. But she should take comfort in knowing there is one person who definitely enjoyed her picture, R “I hope you like urine” Kelly.
On second thought, she might be too old for him…after all she is 15. After several stops and starts, I am now seeing that Mr. Kelly’s trial is finally about to start after he cunningly tried to get another postponement. I can’t help but ask the long overdue question, really R. Kelly?
When this case was first brought, I was in high school. Now that it seems it is finally about to start, I have long since been out of college, done six stints in rehab, and got a paternity test to see if I was the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby. So after hearing that the case was finally going to trial my first thought was, “What the f**k took so goddamned long?!” Are people really still skeptical as to whether that was him in the video?
What did he have to do in the video to convince people it was him? Did he have to sing “I Believe I can Fly” as he was “making it rain” on his eighth grade bust it baby? Even my blind ass grandmother with cataracts and Alzheimer’s knew it was him! The fact that the court is even willing to entertain that “it wasn’t me” defense makes me wonder what sorts of drugs they are snorting and smoking that I have missed! (and I thought I had tried every drug known to man and animal). Apparently Mariah Carey isn’t the only one off her meds this week!
My second thought was when it comes to sex, my motto is usually “the more the merrier.” I say have the same amount of females as you have inches to your penis (13). And I say to my ladies, have as many men as you have holes to accommodate them. This applies in all cases unless of course a member of your sex party has to be home by 9:00 PM. It seems our friend Mr. Kelly allegedly had a threesome with a regular aged woman and the young girl from the infamous video. It seems the regular aged woman will be testifying against Mr. Kelly. I wonder how much water he drank that day. Because he would have needed a lot of urine to accommodate the both of them for this all night f**k and pissfest.
Clearly, R. Kelly is a man that likes to take chances with his music and his sex life. I have a suggestion that Mr. Kelly can incorporate into both that would not have gotten him arrested. Instead of lurking at hospitals scoping out the infant ward looking for fresh meat, how about using some cats? As long as he doesn’t tape it, no one would know and he would be all good. On second thought, scratch that, cats don’t like water. It might make an interesting song though if he tapes the sounds the cat makes during sex. I’m kidding, don’t try that at home.
People get ready for a straight up clown show! This R. Kelly trial is going to change some lives. Let me give you a summary. You have R. Kelly who is pleading innocent and saying it was not him on the tape. You have the girl who was allegedly in the tape testifying that in fact it was not her in the tape. Then you have a woman who on top of claiming to have had a threesome with both of them obviously drinks Pedophiliac – the same juice of champions R. Kelly drinks.
Good God, I really have to pee right now! But I’m holding it in because I have a hot date tonight! In a completely unrelated topic, does anyone have a cat for sale?
