How To Kill Hip-Hop Before It Kills You

To all the people who are trying to stop Hip-Hop, you can’t do it, because you don’t have the wherewithal to truly do what it takes. Hip-Hop is the voice of a generation, in all its violent, misogynist, deviant and self-destructive glory. We’re still here, y’all, and you posh, spicy types need an assassin like illseed to assist you in annihilating rap. You want to ban us and boycott us! Censor us! You want to shut us up and sweep us under a big, fat rug with the rest of the dirt! All of that is for sissies…let me show you the way to really destroy Hip-Hop.

KILL ALL THE RAPPERS

If these rappers are like the plague or something and, since there is no antidote, kill them. When you finish exterminating the vermin, hang them from the street lamps in urban every city in America (and the suburbs), Vlad Tepes style and show these young kids that Hip-Hop is no longer an acceptable form of expression. Quarantine them like any other contagious disease or else it will continue to infect the pure, pristine world we live in.

KILL THE REAL HOES

There was no reason for Imus to call those upstanding college ball players "nappy headed hoes," especially since many of them relax their hair and are not sexually promiscuous. I hate to unearth this secret, but there are actually a lot of real hoes in the world that contribute tremendously to the global skank level. Consequently, the porn industry pumps out a lot of hoe cakes! All strippers are not hoes, but smoke generally indicates a fire. (No pun intended.) I ask, "What’s a pimp without a hooker?" He is a weird older dude with funny looking clothes and no money! Remove these real hoes and you won’t have a rapper with any hoes to talk about.

OPRAH HAS TO START A RAP LABEL

Now, this Imus stuff has re-ignited an argument that has existed for years and even Oprah Winfrey jumped on the bloated band wagon. Since she is riding the wave, she might as well go "all in."Oprah should start a label that represents the kind of Hip-Hop her audience would like. Why not? GET THAT GWAP! (For the Hip-Hopically impaired, that means "get as much money as you can.") But, with the mythical Oprah at the helm, it could truly serve as a means to destroy racism, sexism and every other "ism" that we face daily. Furthermore, it would eradicate the war on terror, poverty itself, lower the AIDS rate, create jobs, educate the ignorant and erase the affects of 400 years of slavery in America. I nominate Stanley Crouch as the Chairman of O Records, Tipper Gore as the VP, Jason Whitlock as the "unsexy" Secretary of Snacks and Young MC as the first signee. Mo’ Money, Mo’ Money, Mo’ Money!

REVOKE THE RIGHT TO TALK

"Cussin wasn’t nothin ’til a black man rapped," a well known rapper Treach once said. He was right. Despite the fact that profane language has existed through the years, these rap guy are just taking it to far. If they talk, mandate that an officer write a ticket! Of course the economy of the African continent may falter with no money left over to buy iced-out chains. Eventually, enough tickets and violators would be fined, arrested, and even have to be physically impounded like a car. After they serve their jail time, make them have to log in as registered bad word offenders. The sign outside of their homes with allow you to know that your daughter, son or you may be called a "b***h," "hoe," "n***er," or some other word those Rappers call each other. On "Freedom of Speech," MC Ice-T rapped with filth, "The more you try to suppress us, the larger we get." Famous last words, sucka!

LASTLY – STOP REALITY

All this reality is really just giving rappers material to talk about on these records! Oprah Winfrey, Bill Cosby, Jason Whitlock, Bill O’Reilly and others can properly pool their resources and STOP REALITY. That’s right my friends, reality is the ultimate foe! You knock "it" out and everything else will fall in line like beating up the school bully. I recommend that Oprah stop producing all these slave-period movies/ plays/ productions, because it reminds people of the racist reality Black folks used to endure. The Bills, Cos and O’Reilly, ought to use their vast minds to prevent reality from showing these rappers what they are going through – mentally and physically. Rapper have this big mirror and its reflecting a lot of "ugly" that was in society well before rap. Break that mirror, screw the bad luck and bury reality itself.

FINALLY

If the haters of rap don’t execute what I have prescribed, you will not only fail, but you will prove that you are not serious about getting rid of a generation. Yes, sadly a large body of people call themselves "The Hip-Hop Generation." These people consist of a veritable cornicopia of races, colors, nation alities, creeds and societal subscriptions. Not only are they crooks and criminals, they are doctors, lawyers, writers, women, kids and professionals.

Somebody kill us already!

Get it over with before Hip-Hop music descends us into the bowels of hell.

Do it.

…If you can.

THE ALLHIPHOP.COM 100…A TUTORIAL ON HIP-HOP MUSIC

We at AllHipHop.com surely do not condone the at times lewd, sexist and even racist verbiage rap artists sometimes use to express themselves artistically. At the same time, we will not tolerate sweeping indictments of Hip-Hop culture as the root of greater society’s ills. Next time some quick-on-the-trigger hater claims Hip-Hop is the cause of our moral demise, ask them if they’ve bothered to listen to any of these joints. We kept the suggested tunes up to date while throwing in some notable classic joints for good measure. In fact, print this out and tell the hot air blower to consider it homework. (Send us your additions to the AllHipHop 100 at our blog: CLICK HERE)

—AllHipHop Staff

THE ALLHIPHOP.COM 100

1. 2Pac “Dear Mama”

2. 2Pac “So Many Tears”

3. A Tribe Called Quest “Midnight”

4. A Tribe Called Quest “We Can Get Down”

5. Big L “How Will I Make It?”

6. Big Pun “100%”

7. Black Star f/ Common “Respiration”

8. Blitz The Ambassador “Emmits Till”

9. Bone Thugs N Harmony “The Crossroads”

10. Brand Nubian “Shinin’ Star”

11. Busta Rhymes f/ Stevie Wonder “Been Through The Storm”

12. Camp Lo “Coolie High”

13. Camp Lo “Gotcha”

14. Chamillionaire “Ridin’ Dirty”

15. Common “The Corner”

16. Common f/ Bilal “The Sixth Sense”

17. Common f/ Cee-Lo “Gaining One’s Definition”

18. Consequence “Da Job Song”

19. De La Soul “He Comes”

20. De La Soul “Stakes Is High”

21. dead prez “Hip-Hop”

22. Devin the Dude “Anythang”

23. Diddy “Everything I Love”

24. Dilated Peoples “20/20”

25. DJ Jazzy Jeff f/ J-Live “Practice”

26. DMX “Lord Give Me A Sign”

27. Dr. Dre “Been There, Done That”

28. Ed O.G. & The Bulldogs “Be a Father to Your

Child”

29. Gang Starr “Who’s Gonna Take The Weight”

30. Geto Boys “City Under Siege”

31. Ghostface Killah “Holla”

32. Gnarls Barkley “Crazy”

33. Hi-Tek “Music For Life”

34. Immortal Technique f/ Joell Ortiz “Modern

Day Slavery”

35. Intelligent Hoodlum “Back To Reality”

36. J Dilla “Wild”

37. Jadakiss “Why?”

38. Jay-Z “30 Something”

39. Jay-Z “Minority Report”

40. Jean Grae “Style Wars”

41. J-Live “Nights Like This”

42. Kanye West “Heard ‘Em Say”

43. Kanye West “Jesus Walks”

44. Kidz in the Hall “Don’t Stop”

45. K-Os “Man I Used to Be”

46. KRS-1 “My Life”

47. KRS-1/Marley Marl “Kill A Rapper”

48. Lauryn Hill “Everything is Everything”

49. Little Brother “Lovin’ It”

50. LL Cool J “I Need Love”

51. Ludacris f/ Mary J. Blige “Runaway Love”

52. Lupe Fiasco “Kick Push”

53. Lupe Fiasco f/ Jill Scott “Daydreamin’”

54. Main Source “Looking At The Front Door”

55. Marco Polo f/ Masta Ace “Nostalgia”

56. MC Lyte “Paper Thin”

57. Mos Def “Dollar Day (Surprise, Surprise)”

58. Mos Def “Umi Says”

59. Mr. Lif “Because They Made it that Way”

60. Murs “Murray’s Law”

61. Nas “Can’t Forget About You”

62. Nas “If I Ruled The World”

63. Nas “These Are Our Heroes”

64. Nas “We Will Survive”

65. Nate Dogg “One More Day”

66. NYOIL “You’re A Queen”

67. O.C. “Time’s Up”

68. Organize Konfusion “Stray Bullet”

69. Outkast “Chonkyfire”

70. Outkast “Liberation”

71. Outkast “Ms. Jackson”

72. Papoose “50 Shots”

73. Pete Rock & CL Smooth “They Reminisce

Over You (T.R.O.Y.)”

74. Pharoahe Monch “Guns Draws”

75. Pharoahe Monch “Queens”

76. Proof “Kurt Kobian”

77. Public Enemy “Don’t Believe The Hype”

78. Queen Latifah “U.N.I.T.Y.”

79. Reflection Eternal “For Women”

80. Saigon “Color Purple”

81. Scarface “Someday”

82. Scipio “Black Heroes”

83. Self Scientific “Change”

84. Slick Rick “Hey Young World”

85. Snoop Dogg f/ Dre & D’Angelo “Imagine”

86. Soul Position “Hand Me Downs”

87. Souls of Mischief “’93 ‘Til Infinity”

88. Styles P “I’m Black”

89. Styles P f/ Talib Kweli “Testify”

90. T.I. “Live In The Sky”

91. Talib Kweli “Get By”

92. Talib Kweli/Madlib “Happy Home”

93. The Coup “Bullets and Love”

94. The D.O.C. “The Formula”

95. The Notorious B.I.G. “Sky’s The Limit”

96. The Roots “False Media”

97. The Unspoken Heard “Truly Unique”

98. Trick Daddy “America”

99. Wu-Tang Clan “Better Tomorrow”

100. Young Buck “Slow Ya Roll”

(What the heck…let us add one more)

101. Snoop Dogg "Beautiful"

Illseed is AllHipHop.com’s resident cultural critic even though nobody on staff will co-sign him. We do encourage you to add on to your own positve rap songs at our blog: http://blog.myspace.com/allhiphop

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