Hexmurda’s News: ISH HAPPENS!

Whutupdoe…shout out to all the folks that read my inane ramblings. I honestly appreciate ya’ll because without this

outlet for my madness I would probably start carrying an aluminum bat wrapped in barbed wire w/ a bayonet welded to it, don a catchers mask and transform into a serial killer called “The Umpire.”

 

Don’t worry though.

 

It’s not like I thought the s**t out or anything.

 

This go-round I’m just gonna drop off some of these little blurbs, which is what I was originally commissioned to do.

Talk a little s**t,try to ruin somebody’s day, and get back to the regularly scheduled program.

 

Let’ start with…

 

REAL CHANCE AT HIS BAND…THE DIDDY EDITION

 

 

That n***a Puff is a f**king genius. he basically makes hour long infomercials for his own records. This “Making His Band” s**t is a f**king joke. This is muthaf**king PUFF DADDY.

 

The only n***a out of that whole EastCoast/WestCoast s**t who didn’t get shot or locked the f**k up.

 

The CheesecakeMan.

 

If Puff REALLY wanted a band, he could have SLASH on guitar, LARRY GRAHAM on bass, TRAVIS BARKER on drums and HERBIE HANCOCK on keys. Although a few of those cats are really talented (Brockett, Jamareo, Blake),folks are going to watch the show just to see a bunch of musicians (and evidently the judges,too) whine and bicker in a big a** house while they hope for a brawl. Then they throw in a Transgendered American to add “fierceness” and a little “Whut the f**k?” to the mix. Voila.

 

But the real premise behind the show is to let n***as know Puff’s got a record coming out. The Shiny Suit Man is brilliant.

 

REAL AND CHANCE – SLORES GALORE

 

 

THESE n***as…man…I’ll say this for these two cats, they keep the slores on deck. How many broads is it to start with? 20? Real and Chance basically get 10 broads a piece handed to them to do their bidding. You can say what you want about those dudes, but that’s pimp s**t. You get to see them degrade slores on TV,watch TonyTerry’s twin sister hit a bitch while wearing a mood ring and see what happens when a fine a** Hawaiian chick goes off her meds.

Great gig if you can get it.

 

Of course 95% of these women are only there to hopefully get a spread in SMOOTH magazine or to get more hits on myspace. The other 5% of them are trying to either cut off and steal the CrystalGayle looking n***as hair for a human-hair weave,or at least learn his Pantene secret.

I aint mad at these dudes though.

 

It is sorta difficult to respect one n***a with a mohawk who dresses like MadMax meets EdHardy and another one who wears leggings on his arms (armmings?) and rocks Pocahontas braids. But hey,the n***as make hoes wrestle on TV, and they aint trying to hurt anybody. Hopefully they’ll avoid herpes and in the end maybe one of them can be on The Surreal Life or something.

Gotta respect a n***a with goals.

 

FLAGS AT HALF-MAST IN CAMELOT

 

 

Senator Ted Kennedy died a few days ago. Now, I’m far from a political pundit but I know he was one of the good guys, simply because his last name is Kennedy, not Bush. The Kennedy clan was instrumental in democratic politics for over 40years and have also seen and endured a lot of tragedy, (the Kennedy’s causes of death look like the f**king plot line from ‘FINAL DESTINATION’) all the while fighting the good fight. Although Sen.Kennedy was involved in a sketchy 1969 car accident that left a woman dead,as far as I know he never torture any prisoners or killed any pit bulls,so that gotta count for something.

I got an idea.

 

I know that everybody has to die one day,but if we’re gonna keep up this 09 DeathRace pace maybe we can at least get some Limbaughs, Hannity’s, O’Reilly’s, and Beck’s involved.

 

Hey, it’s just a suggestion, God.

 

Don’t judge me.

 

Oh…wait…

 

BLOOD ON THE DANCE FLOOR?

 

 

Dr.Conrad Murray…n***a…you…killed MICHAEL JACKSON?

 

What kind of muthaf**ka kills MICHAEL JACKSON?

 

What the f**k medical school did he go to?

 

Ever heard of the Hippocratic Oath?

 

Doctor’s are some wild n***as.

 

I know they’re supposedly smarter than everybody else, and that’s cool, but I’d rather get treated by an A+ nurse than a D- doctor.

I hope you and Dr.Jan Adams end up as cellmates, you smart-dumb n***a.

 

EUROPE

 

Man, I f**king love Euros.

 

They make dollars look like green toilet paper.

 

Just got back from Hip-Hop Kemp in the CzechRepublic.

 

Biggest Hip-Hop festival in Eastern Europe. Method Man, Black Milk, Planet Asia, B.o.B, Blu and Exile, Termanology, Reks, El da Sensei,Camp Lo,J-Live Cymarshallaw,Torae, La Coka Nostra, U.N.I and Devin the Dude. Basically a bunch of n***as who can actually rhyme (an anomaly in today’s HipHop) that you may not be familiar with.

 

Some real HipHop s**t.

 

No politics and all that other bulls**t. Nobody there gives a f**k about your first week numbers or your BDS.

n***as overseas are all about the music.

 

Mef at Hip-Hop Kemp

 

 

There’s no way I could write down all the ill s**t that happened at Kemp this year in the limited space AHH allows me, but I’ll give you a glimpse. (Editor’s note: we give hexmurda all the space he wants to write, because we fear him)

 

Drank a lot of vodka with the original hipsters, CampLo (n***a Suede had on some saddle shoes, a silk vest and an untied tie-on their off-day.)

 

Black Milk killed it in front of about 20,000 in the rain.

 

Drank a lot of vodka with Ill Bill.

 

MethodMan’s music was f**king up (DJ Mathematics got detained for some s**t and wasn’t there) and he still bodied his set.

n***a stage dived about 43 times.

 

Didn’t see it, but I heard B.o.B’s

set was DOPE.

 

Smoked a lot of stuff with Ill Bill.

 

Termanology broke one mic and threw another one into the crowd.

 

Reks threw a promoter into the crowd.

 

Asked Everlast if he was gonna perform “THE KNACK” on the LaCokaNostra set.

He rebuked me.

 

Met Blind Rob from Odd Squad and Devin the Dude confirmed a rumor that on the UP IN SMOKE tour, his tour bus was indeed christened the “T3” after one of the members of SlumVillage.

 

Went on a f**king two day scavenger hunt for ice cubes.

 

Gotta love getting those Euros.

 

Despite some language barriers, European fans not only HEAR, they also LISTEN.

Music is truly a worldwide language.

 

Mainstream America just needs to learn how to speak it a little more fluently.

 

Well that’s all for today, my n***as.

 

Hope you didn’t hate it.

 

If you did, f**k you, go stick knitting needles in your eyes and I hope you find out your mother’s a man.

 

If you’re looking for P.C. social commentary, go watch Oprah. This is the f**king Terrordome.

 

You’re welcome.

 

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