I Am The Epic Beard Man

“Showing these young punks what the business is.” – Jay-Z

 I am the The Epic Beard Man.

I am standing on the road of life and I am looking in both directions at the same time.

I am roughly half the age of the 67-year-old man that beat the hell out of a young whipper snapper that apparently thought he was a thug on an Oakland bus.

I am staring at my previous life as a young, wild dude that had no issues with a lil’ after school fight and what I hope to be one day. I think about myself now. A workout fanatic. I box. I lift weights I never saw in my younger days. I run miles I never ran in my 20’s. And I have a mind that is keen on keeping what I have and protecting all that there is to protect (myself, my family and my belongings).

Then there is the other me. The me I see in decades to come.

In times of unrest and beef, I see myself as Thomas Bruso aka The Epic Beard Man.

He may be White, but he is what I hope to be when I get older. Old and ready to give anybody what they are asking for and then some if there is a problem. He beat that young chump like he stole his last piece of chicken and I love it.

But the young dude didn’t realize that The Epic Beard Man has been through some s**t in his life! Thomas Bruso is a Viet Nam Vet and he’s got several other names like Tom Slick, Viet Nam Tom and other colorful names. Young dude, who people now call “Coolio” for some reason, didn’t realize that The Epic Beard Man had been tasered at an Oakland A’s game and didn’t flinch (the first time). Bruso stood up to police (after acting quite unruly) and was the first person in A’s stadium history to be tasered during a game. It took a second jolt of 50,000 volts for him to be taken out. The cops were scared to face his imposing 6’1″ and 280 frame.

So what made this young fool think that he could give The Epic Beard Man a beat down so easily? He’s clearly an idiot that’s why. First, he came was turned into a fight talking way too much. Second, he continued to menace the elderly man despite Bruso’s willingness to walk away (while talking junk). Thirdly, he put hands on the man and wasn’t ready to throw down. He had one hand wrapped around a subway pole as The Old Bearded Epic Man rained hard rights and lefts to the face of “Coolio.”

At the end of the brief fight, “Coolio” was leaking blood all over the place and whining for an AMBALAMPS.

So, the moral of the story?

I am a mother f**ker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (The phrase was on the back of Brus’ light blue shirt.)

Seriously, I know several Brusos. They are my father, my uncles and other older dudes that are simply cut from a different cloth than a lot of these younger dudes. They have hands bigger than your face just because they use them so much in physical labor. These men don’t exist too much these days…Straight like that. I’m glad to have them in my bloodline though. And, honestly, despite the hype, Epic Beard Man vs Black Guy is not REALLY about age. And its definitely not about race, even though a lot of people are making a big deal over it being an old White man versus a young Black man.

It’s about riders and punks, in the immortal words of Pac. Which side are you on? I am the The Epic Beard Man.

On everything.

Check below for some videos of parodies, remixes and even rap songs of Thomas Bruso aka The Epic Beard Man.

This is what happened after the beatdown:

The original video:

A Parody:

A punch by punch breakdown:

A fresh club mix for you meth heads:

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