Really Danity Kane?

The views expressed in this column are not the views expressed by everyone! I'm baaack like the stubble on a chick's Va Jay Jay between bikini waxes! So I was at home spending a little QT with my number one fan. Me! I made myself dinner, got myself some beers, and most importantly I got myself some prescription drugs. (Vicodin, beaver tranquilizers, etc.) My television was on MTV. Did any of you catch the finale of Making The Band? As I drifted in and out of consciousness during the finale, and listened to everyone yap about how much they were like family even though Diddy gave Aubrey Ho’day and D.Woods the boot, I couldn't help but think, Really Danity Kane? I must admit, when Diddy first put these five ladies together, I could not help but groan and roll my eyes. After all, the "band" he put together before them was filled with straight losers. There was Chopper, Tranny Babs, some Kardinal Offishal wanna be, and several other losers whose names I don't remember. But like a wife's fat misshapen body after giving birth...Danity Kane grew on me. Now I love them! But now it seems they kicked the most interesting members out of the group. WTF? Every group needs a whore – either an attention whore or a traditional one. Aubrey Ho'Day was a hybrid of both. And it made people pay attention to a group who is signed to the record label equivalent of the Bermuda Triangle. D.Woods was just along for the ride and we loved it! Who really gave a sh*t about the other three? Aundrea, you are cute and you can really sing and all but you are still kind of boring. Get an addiction then let’s talk.Dawn, you only got interesting this season when you started banging Que. And that's only interesting because before you two started dating we thought Que was, well, you know… And lastly, Shannon, you are probably the most boring of the group. You need to drop your husband and start banging Donnie or Diddy if you haven't already done so! Do it for your career!Even more annoying about the group’s split was Diddy’s proclamation that he was not the bad guy and that the real issue was with the group members of DK. Then when you heard the group members talk, they said the same BS we had heard all season. “We fight but at the end of the day we are still family.” Or “These are my sisters.” Well then what the f**k is the problem? Is it jealousy? There should not be because all of the women in Danity Kane are in the same life boat! None of these broads could ever be a solo artist. Sorry, Dawn! Wait, let me clarify. None of these women could ever be a solo artist unless they are banging Diddy on a REGULAR basis. That doesn’t mean you will have a hit record, it just means Diddy will keep pumping money into you among other things…Right Cassie?As much as I might hate to admit it, I might have to come to terms with the fact that Danity Kane may never be the same. So in this vein I have suggestions for new group members. What about Cassie? She’s cute and her solo career is virtually over and she adds intrigue to the group considering she is banging the boss on a consistent basis, not just on random, drunk, bored nights. Right Aubrey? So Cassie can’t really sing. Who cares, she’s in good with the boss and you girls can at least get one more album out of that until Diddy decides to try again with his baby moms…or Kim Porter. Another suggestion – what about DMX? He’s not really doing anything right now so I’m sure he would at least be open to the idea. So he might bark and bite your little girl fans. That’s fine; a couple of lawsuits never hurt any singing group.P.S. So I wrote all this like weeks ago. And in the past couple of days I have heard a variety of rumors. One of which is that Cassie actually might be joining Danity Kane. I guess sucking off the boss really does have its benefits. And I also now hear that Shannon is actually going to leave DK. Which one is that again?