The R Kelly Trial: A Play by Play Part Five - Familiar Head

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AllHipHop Alternatives is purely for entertainment purposes.Greetings R. Kelly trial fans! I am pleased to announce that the next two days in the R. Kelly trial will likely be more thrilling than a blowjob from a toothless hooker! I haven’t been this excited since the last time I took one of my mood elevator pills from a bottle labeled “excitement”!Ok, so first I have to recap. So on Wednesday, a basketball coach who knew the pissee as a child took the stand. Apparently, she played with athletic balls as well as balls belonging to Grammy Award winners. Who knew the piss starlet was multi-talented? Not me! So does anyone care to guess what he said on the stand? Well, he said that it was definitely ol' girl in the video. I’m so surprised! At this point it’s like telling us Lindsay Lohan has a drug problem! Tell us something we don’t know already! The coach went on to say he definitely knew it was her because he recognized her forehead. He said, “We would joke about her forehead, that she had a big forehead." Lawyer Douchebag tried to make the coach look bad because he made fun of a young girl’s forehead, but he could have done worse. He could have...pissed on her…like your dickhead client!Her actual former basketball coach was also called to the stand, and after identifying the pissee on the tape like the other million people called to the stand, Lawyer Douchebag asked him if he ever saw anything that ever lead him to believe that the pissee would sell her body for money. What type of question is that? Was she supposed to wear a t-shirt to basketball practice that read “If you want me to be your toilet bowl, just whip it out, but pay the toll.” Truth is, there really are no indications people would sell sex for money until they actually do. Right Ray J and Kim K?Then after all this excitement, court was adjourned early. Why might you ask? Because supposedly Lawyer Douchebag received a call from some dude on R. Kelly’s payroll, oh I’m sorry, I mean a guy who allegedly has a testimony that could go against that of the prosecution’s star witness whose testimony was supposed to be the highlight of this clown show on Wednesday. With this information, the judge decided to adjourn the court proceedings. Who is the prosecution’s star witness? Well remember that girl I have been raving about since I first started giving you guys updates? You know the one who claims she had a threesome with the pissee and R. It is her! She was supposed to testify Wednesday, and I was so excited! Then Lawyer Douchebag had to c**kblock! This was the second time I got blue balls that day! (My blow-up doll refused to inflate that morning when I was ready to get it poppin!)Truth is, I contemplated not giving you guys another update until all of this nonsense had been resolved. But f**k that! Cliffhangers are so much fun! What will the prosecution’s star witness say when she actually takes the stand? What will the defense’s surprise witness say when he takes the stand? Find out in the next installment!Check Out Part One of the TrialCheck Out Part Two of the TrialCheck Out Part Three of the TrialCheck Out Part Four of the Trial