“What’s for dinner tonight,” asked the newly signed rapper to his current girlfriend.
“Turnip Stew, baby,” she answered.
“Turnip Stew again… really,” replied the disappointed tax write-off, who has no clue one of the songs on his EP is being fragmented in the studio. The A&R that signed him has a money making client the song would work perfectly for.
“I don’t pick the turnips, you do,” she answered, finally showing her frustrations. “Damn, what are we going to do John?! I’ve invested my entire life savings into your Rap career. And where are we? In my apartment! Eating turnip *&^*ing stew! I believed in you John. You know what?! I’m not calling you your rap name until checks start coming in. Popping bottles? Please…”
“Absolute Reason” began a few months ago with rappers having this insatiable urge to steal your girlfriend. Today, this column will touch on his relationship at home. C’mon, show me a rapper without a girlfriend, and I’ll show you a rapper that NO ONE likes. He’d call her a “ride or die” or his “main,” anything but what she truly is. She is the pulse of his dreams, and the benefactor of his written riches. But what happens when he doesn’t make it.
In most cases, the rapper’s girlfriend is or could very well be a ‘model’ under today’s criterion. She grew up on Hip-Hop, loves rap, and loves (break) dancing. She has a favorite rapper of her own and is intrigued by the opportunity of one day becoming a Power Couple. Not to mention her level of education often trumps him. So, you’re the rapper who presents her with that opportunity to become that couple. She welcomes you in with open arms, becoming your cheerleader, your ‘manager,’ and your lead investor. You’re giving her the beginnings of a life she’s fantasized about. Sadly, she’s working harder at your career than you are.
Showcase after “sell 15 tickets for $10 each to perform” showcase, she’s in the front row with her girls, cheering on her baby. She’s working the room, using her ‘pretty girl’ looks to network efficiently. On special occasions, she’s purchases items which fit your image needs (jewelry, sneakers, jackets, etc). You "have very bad credit, she’d help you lease that whip." She’s doing it all because one day she believes you two could become the next “T.I. and Tiny”. However, all you see is the next opportunity to waste away studio time smoking and drinking, joking around with your crew.
30 is creeping up on you. The only time you thought about a ‘Plan B’ was the morning after. Music is all you want to know in this life. Which is awfully selfish if you ask your girlfriend. She’s dealing with sleepless nights. Intuition is eating her spirit alive. Never in her nightmares she’d believe you’d turn a cold heart to her. You’re sleeping around with every low-end “Dirty Diana” you could find. She can’t seem to shake this ‘cold.’ She’s scared to set up an appointment with her gynecologist, fearing the worst will be confirmed. And with that being said, she still believes in you. She’s still investing in you. While you’re a mixtape dropping, stripper swapping, basement studio (no, disrespect) hopping shell of a professional, who hasn’t been and is scared to become! So what ARE you waiting for?
Here is my Absolute Reason:
Your lyrics speak of going hard or going home. Well, how about you go home to your girlfriend and apologize for being an arrogant burden on her life. Do something substantial for her like getting a job or finishing your education. UPS is hiring, and there is nothing wrong with that! There are thousands of young men sleeping on somebody’s couch, who think otherwise.
Further your education! Last week, Drake proudly announced that he received his High School diploma. There’s nothing wrong with that! I’m proud of him, by the way. And, if the rumors about the small piece of the pie Drake is eating from are true, you best believe he won’t stop at a diploma.
Be a realist for once in your life. Are you so full of yourself that you don’t see the type of engine an artist like Kendrick Lamar has behind him? The young man is powered by Interscope with a hybrid following of fans. He has the city (L.A.). He is the penmanship. He has the elite mentorship (Dr. Dre).
You have your girlfriend, and there’s nothing wrong with that! Accept it, and give her the family she deserves. Because if you have mainstream Rap dreams, and only the people in your State heard of you, and most of them are rappers, Turnip Stew is all you have. Hobbies don’t put steak on the table.
We all have a friend or family member on both sides of the equation who desperately needs to read this editorial. Just slip the link by them. It will save you from telling them, they’re wack!