For Tucker Carlson:What Happens When You Don’t Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

So I suppose the indignant spirit of Sean Hannity lived on as Tucker

Carlson filled in for his absence on Fox News. Either that, or that

bowtie has finally cut off too much oxygen circulating in his head.

In what could be interpreted as an attempt to aim a thinly veiled insult at President Obama and turn dog- loving constituents against him, Tucker provided his own theory regarding Michael Vick’s redemptive season as the quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles. After President Obama called the Philly organization to applaud them for giving Vick a second chance, Tucker lambasted the president’s move and coolly stated that Vick should have been executed for fighting dogs… that said right after mentioning he was a Christian. Once again I say “thank you” to conservatives for giving Christians such as myself a bad name. Their intolerance is matched only by their arrogance.

Does anyone have a tranquil dart? – ‘cause this guy obviously needs to be sedated. This felt like a desperation shot, a Hail Mary if you will, of Tucker’s to stay on our collective minds. And while I realize I ‘m helping keep this man’s relevance alive by perpetuating this story – I feel obliged to respond as well.

While I’ve already addressed the double standard issue of Vick’s sentencing in comparison to how Ben Roethlisberger and Brett Favre’s cases have played out in the retooling and reposting of Double Standard Procedures, Mr. Carlson has reawakened the sleeping giant within me. Sometimes it truly is better to just let sleeping dogs lie. 

So the question to pose to Mr. Carlson is this: if we adopt the same rationale as you and apply it to the same men who treated slaves lower than dogs then freed them to fight and die for the Union, what judgment should be passed for them? Riddle me that, hypocrite.


American Dogfighting

Flushed out of Fox’s corner pocket like Russ Parr

And rushing like Limbaugh

to expose how he’s a despicable dunderhead,

Who heard what subpar Tucker Carlson

posing as a political pundit said

When he publicly declared that the Eagles’ pick 7 should be executed?

Who is he to turn kid Vick’s comeback

into a low quality promo

Like some humpback quasi homo…

Have you ever seen this anomaly’s photo?!! –

not even Bo knows why he ties bows below that head of nuisance.

Besides, doesn’t Tucker seem like the type

Who rubs peanut butter and Smucker’s between his thighs

Just to let some beagles provide him his own bestial fantasy league?!!

For the way he’s made a life with his ducktail as Fox’s head,

Someone should make this guy tuck his tail between his postured legs…

This dude’s a lamer duck than Donald pegged

for a Congress-led sequel to Fantasia’s re-release.

I mean, who is he to besmirch Vick’s remarkable offense

With such an unpardonable offence?

Such harsh comments for a man who paid his debt to society?

With such harsh words for pitting men’s best friends,

What’s his parsed blurb for Ben and Brett’s sex offence?…

How is it less offensive when men’s sex friends get vetted impolitely?

Better yet, let’s go one level deeper into the pool.

What’s his take on Confederate fetters leveled at a people’s roots?

I’ve heard his take on an Eagle’s dues but what

about when slaves were treated unrulier than dogs?

I know slavery’s in the American Eagle’s past,

But since he wants to embarrass an Eagle’s pass…

I’m runnin’ interference by comparin’ an evil passed with incongruent laws.

Forget a scathing blog!

Let’s get some backbreaking flogs!

Since he wants to wake the dogs, let’s sic ‘em – get ‘em boys, bark with viciousness!

You should’ve left sleeping dogs a lyin’ –

Instead, you’ve gone and woke up a sleeping, groggy giant…

It’s too late to put it to sleep and euthanize it – the venom in this pen’s a poised barbiturate.

You and your conservative friends

aren’t elegant – you’re buffoons!

It’s time we addressed the elephant in the room.

I know you think President Lincoln’s precedent looms with great stature.

But what he stood for had Republican ulterior motives.

Slaves’ emancipation sanctioned

a repugnant pull for clearin’ quotas…

As mortgaged freedmen fought for Glory as fully adherent soldiers –

free to fight and die for the great hereafter.

But what happened to those that survived?

What rations were given to the ghosts that returned alive?

What were these shells on earth to surmise from

the same home where the Braves were razed?

What trials for the trails of blood, sweat and tears

Could they expect from entrails and guts that were treaded and smeared?…

Is this what they were vetted for and cleared –

purely bled as purebreds when the stakes were raised?

So don’t speak to me about execution, Tucker Carlson.

Take a seat – your elocution is tuckered, you charlatan.

I’m bringin’ the ruckus like Rucker Park – you’re cousin Carlton

on the wall, it’s lights out for you.

Rather, I’m puttin’ fresh prints above the rim on a square

Who dared to lay up a such a vexing brick on the air…

It’s not about disrespecting Vick, it’s your air –

which I’m prepared to fix as I knock the gall of your balls right out of you.***Reggie Legend is AllHipHop's resident poet and cultural critic. More of his work can be found at