Movie Review: You Don’t Mess With The Zohan

Studio: Sony



Date: June 6

Cast: Adam

Sandler, John Turturro, Emmanuelle, Chriqui, Rob Schneider, Dave Matthews, Chris


Ok, I’m officially over Adam Sandler. Long gone

are the Happy Madison days of Happy

Gilmore, Big Daddy and Bobby' Boucher in the Waterboy; movies that tempted you to piss in your pants from

laughing so hard.

With his latest release, You Don’t Mess with the Zohan, Sandler has regrettable lost it.

The plot revolves around the constant disputes

between the Israeli and Palestinian people. His character, The Zohan, enlisted

in the army and has become an ultimate kick-ass, go-to guy.

In the first series of scenes, he’s vacationing on

some Florida beach, relieved to be away from his never-ending fighting and the constant

violence. Let me just say that I loved the first 10 minutes of the movie. I

even laughed once or twice.

As an avid fan of Sandler, I can appreciate the

continuous ass shots and buffed physique that he boastfully displays after such

films as Spanglish and Click, where he portrays hefty father

figures. The plot, of course, shifts when he’s called back to service to

capture a goofy terrorist, The Phantom, played by John Turturro (from such Spike

Lee classics as Jungle Fever, Mo’ Better Blues and Do the Right Thing).

Completely unbelievable as a 37-year-old

destructor, The Phantom has been released in a trade by Zohan’s army just

months after Zohan heroically caught him. But there’s a job to be done and the

best man to do it is the Zohan. This plan to capture The Phantom again

ultimately becomes a perfect decoy for his great escape; escape from the

fighting and his escape to America.

Even more ridiculous, is that the Zohan only dreams

of making the hair “silky smooth.” He’s unleashed to the shores of America and

heads directly to the Paul Mitchell salon where he knows that he’s the one to

become Mitchell’s next great thing. Instead, he’s laughed out the salon and

into an all Israeli and Palestine neighborhood. The only people that will give

him a chance to cut hair are the very people that’s he’s running away from.

No surprise, there’s a woman involved, several

women actually. His methods of making the hair silky smooth have a way with the

ladies and his dreams of becoming a successful hair stylist are fulfilled.

There are more laughable moments and characters in the hair salon as The Zohan

develops his technique and brings his own flavor to this American beauty salon.

The movie falls flat after the first 30 minutes,

relying mostly on bumping and grinding and ethnic jokes to convey comedic

storytelling. Mind you, the main characters who were suppose to be of ethnic

backgrounds were actually ethnic people just not Israelis or Palestinians,

mostly actors who we haven’t seen in ages but found funny 10 or even 20 years


Towards the end of the movie, you’ll recognize

several funny faces from both television and silver screen fame, however, not

even Mrs. Garrett from the Facts of Life

can save this latest Sandler effort.

I really wanted to love this movie. I thought the

trailer was hysterical, but the actual film was unfulfilling. Like an old lover

who’s lost its spark, Adam Sandler continues to use the same tricks that worked

back when Bobby Boucher was still eating gator cobbler. Now the damn thing just