Really, John McCain? (Or Are You On That Drank?)

Illseed is an columnist and independent cultural critic. The views expressed with in this editorial don’t necessarily reflect the views of or its staff. He thanks resident rabble rouser Kiko Michaels for letting him

borrow his “Really” editorial series.

Really, John McCain…Really?

When I woke up Friday morning, I wanted to revel in the

History was Barack Obama. The night before, I gazed at the television screen

proudly as he accepted the Democratic Nomination for President of the United States of America.

The only problem is, when I finally got up from my slumber, I

was irritated into a splitting headache by Republican John McCain.

This guy strategically decides to announce his running mate

the day after Barack’s landmark speech. But that’s not what bothered me. It is

who he picked.

McCain introduced first-term Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as his

vice presidential running mate early morning Friday, an act of contempt in my


"She's exactly who I need. She's exactly who this

country needs to help me fight the same old Washington politics of 'Me first and country

second,' " McCain said.

Really, McCain…Really?

I know you are fond of younger women, so perhaps this is

what you need, but is this truly what the country needs?

You picked a 44-year-old, inexperienced a** mother of five,

Tina Fey-looking, gun-toting, moose-skinning Alaskan for the vice presidency of

the United States.

Really, McCain...Really?

So, what you have given America is a potentially disastrous

quandary…an apocalyptic quagmire if you will.

You are a 72-year-old damaged war hero running for president

and opt for a younger-less-experienced-and-less-inspirational-than-Barack vice

presidential aspirant. I don’t think you drank any of the super serum that

powered Captain America

so it is possible that you could die in office. You might have drank some of

that Houston

drank making political missteps like this.

Furthermore, analysts say that U.S. presidents age about seven

years faster than the rest of us due to the rigors of the gig. So, in theory,

your senior tail could be exactly "100 years old" at the end of a four year term in

office. (This doesn’t take into consideration a whole eight year possibility)


The thought of having a 44-to-48 year old first-term governor

running America

is as scarier than driving high with DMX and Amy Winehouse. You had cancer four

times, my brother! You’re scaring the mess out of me.

So, is that was America needs or just you?

You seem to think you have tapped into the presumed disgusted

and disenchanted legions of females that didn’t see their dreams come to

fruition. Do you think this relative unknown is the republican Hillary Rodam

Clinton? I think she is the Bizzarro Hillary – her opposite! Clue: this lady isn’t

a Clinton or Geraldine Ferraro crazy a** either.

There are so many questions that I have of you. Here are a few.

You just met your pal Palin in February. What did she do to

impress you so much in six months to bestow her with such an honor? I feel you

have truly insulted females all over the nation by suggesting that this woman

represents some quantum leap of progress. Hillary Clinton is a leap of

progress, as was Geraldine, even though I cannot stand her.

Another question: Did you just scream, “Hail, Mary!” and throw Sarah

Palin’s fairly unknown name out there like, “I hope American goes for this crazy

s**t in November, because I don’t know what else to do with this Obama dude.” Or

was it, “Women (including women that opposed just about everything else Palin stands for) are just gonna vote for her because she is a woman! Yay! They

hate Barack!”

I love the strength of the female spirit, but I have to ask

you another pertinent question.

Not seem sexist, but how does a self described “hockey mom

from Alaska” function

in a vice-presidential or presidential capacity? She considered herself a longshot for

the VP and will contend with balancing five kids, a husband, Iraq, Iran, and, oh yeah, turning America around.

Hey, Micckey, Did you read what I read from the Associated Press? If not, check it:

Alaska's former public safety director says he was

fired in July by Palin after he refused to dismiss the governor's former brother-in-law, who had been accused of making threats during a messy custody batle with Palin's sister. A state probe of the allegation is due to be

completed a week before the general election. 

Hillary Clinton left 18 million cracks in the glass ceiling,

my dude? You let her say that to the ladies on your big day?

Really, McCain…Really?

I don’t know what you all are trying to pull, but get it


Bow out.

Cut this mess out right now and let Chi-town Obama and Delaware

Biden win and you and Pal get out of the way of this movement.

You are going to get us all killed or run American into the

ground worse than we already are with these nutty hijinks!

No way, no how…No McCain! (Word to Hillary.)


Just NO.Epilogue: I still haven't forgiven the real Tina Fey for that "b***h is the new Black" mess so I'm not rockin' with the look-a-like.