In last months article [Straight Talk: The Other Woman] I gave tips and suggestions on how
to keep your relationship happy, healthy and fresh. But I mentioned that my
advice was geared only toward women who were in relationships with worthy men.
I promised I would give my definition of a man who is worthy
of a woman giving him her all. Being as Im a woman of my word, here it goes.
Before I say anything, I want to first point out something
that I know is obvious, but for those women out there who are blinded by that
thing you call love, Ill put it out there anyway. If your man cheats, lies, or
abuses you in any way, he is definitely not worth you doing everything in your
power to make and keep him happy.
Face it ladies, some men are downright dogs. Some men are misogynists
and just dont respect women period. This type of man will never be satisfied,
and will never do right by his woman. In which case he deserves to be alone,
and sure as hell doesnt deserve you going the extra mile for him. There! I
said it, and I meant it.
Now, on to my definition of a worthy man. The type of man
who is genuine, caring, and loves his woman unconditionally. The type of man who
does things like
Tells you he loves you at least twice a daymeaning he not only
loves you but he is in love with you as well.Compliments you on something at least once a daymeaning he
pays attention to you and cares enough to show it.Often asks you whats wrong?meaning he is considerate of
your feelings and always wants to see you happy.Tells you how blessed he is to have you, or considers himself
a lucky manmeaning he realizes your worth and most likely wouldnt jeopardize
losing you.Opens up to you and is honest with you the way he would be
with his best friend---meaning he sees a friend in you and will hold a special
level of respect for you no matter what.
Overall a worthy man will treat his woman the exact way he
expects to be treated. He will look at her as his equal, yet his queen, and
place her high on a throne above others. She will come first to him, and he
will be content with that because he knows she is a worthy woman - and that is
if you are indeed a worthy woman.
Ladies, dont expect this treatment from your man if you are
running around acting a fool.
On the other hand, there are men out there who dont do or
say the things I listed above on a regular basis, but who still may be worthy
men. In some cases, men are not sensitive to womens feelings, not because they
dont want to be, but because they just dont know how to be. Some men think it
makes them look weak to be sweet and gentle. Some men dont talk about their
feelings because they believe they are not supposed to be emotional. And some
men are simply stuck in their ways. This doesnt mean that these men cant be
In a relationship, people tend to feed off each other. If
you cheat, I cheat. You go out a lot, I go out a lot. You keep it real with me,
I keep it real with you, etc. Its tit for tat. So, what I recommend is that you
initiate the behaviors you would like to see in your man.
For instance, if you want your man to talk to you about
everything, you have to start talking to him about everything. Treat him like
your girlfriend and express yourself to him openly. If you want him to
compliment you more often, compliment him. Trust me, after a while, he will
feel the need to return the gestures. Before long your man will become the
perfect mate. The two of you will have grown together and created the ideal
In essence, this method constitutes the phrase, give and
you shall receive. Makes sense right?
Okay, what about if your man was worthy and then for some reason became the oppositewhether it
be due to a small issue such as running into a lump some of money and becoming
big-headed or a huge issue such as acquiring an addiction to something. What
does a woman do then? Does she cut him off and forget about all the good things
hes done for her, or does she hang in there hoping, wishing, and praying for
him to go back to his old self?
The answer: become demanding. Demand he starts acting like
he knows. Demand he gets help if needed. Dont demand without consequences. You
have to make your actions speak louder than your words. If you start throwing
out ultimatums but never back them up, then you will fall into a trap of saying
I tried everything! But really, you havent.
I can imagine its tough to part from someone who youve
grown to love, especially when youve seen the wonderful side of him and you
know how good a man hes capable of being. But sometimes people need wake-up
calls. They need to see that theyve changed and how theyve changed, and
realize that they need to do something about it. But they will never see this
if everything around them remains the same.
By you keeping him around and painting a pretty picture for
him, he will never see the reality - only the pretty picture. You need to tear
that picture up and show him whats really happening, and one way to do that is
by severing your relationship. It may be hard at first, but it gets greater
later. Ask anybody whos been through it, and theyll tell you.
All right, let me exhale and wrap this up simply. Ladies,
you should know whether your man is worth you giving your all to, and if so,
congratulations! Hes a keeper! But to the women who have men who are just
taking up time and spacelove yourself more than that and let him go!
Miasha is the author
of Dont Make Me Dinner, Make Me Rich! How to Be the Superwoman of Today, coming soon. She is also author of fiction bestsellers Diary of a Mistress, Mommys Angel, and Sistah for Sale, all available in bookstores and online nationwide. For more information or to hear Miasha address your comments, go to her website www.miasha.com and click on Miasha TV-Real