Sunday Follies: Shelby HATES The Steelers
No, it's not Hip Hop. However,
it's been the only thing on my mind for the last couple of weeks and
Lord knows I had to turn something in to the powers that be over here
before they block my IP address. So I'm fitting a round peg into a square hole, but c'mon. Who isn't going to be glued to their TV this Sunday?
No, I'm not one of these NFL geeks who can quote stats and names and records and all that unnecessary stuff. But
I do know a little bit more than whose uniforms are more fashionable or
which team has the nicest bootay per capita. (That would be the Giants
by the way.)
So here goes my personal female perspective on what is going to happen this weekend because well I know.
First off- The NFC.
fact that either of the teams from the National Football Conference are
still hanging around is simply because the NFC has to provide a team
for the Super Bowl due to league rules. It's kind of like that little
girl in the beauty pageant who everyone knows is going to lose, but she
got into the final five because her mom sold the most tickets. You give
little Greta that pity smile and push her onto the stage knowing she's
going to drop her flaming baton on one of the judges then cry
hysterically as she runs back to her dressing room.
I know everyone loves Donovan McNabb. There isn't a Hip Hop football fan who doesn't want to see ole dude get that ring. He
weathered the Philly storm and unfairly played the villain for years in
the sports media while actually maintaining his composure when dealing
with the NFL's resident drama queen, Terrell Owens. Hell, I like him too. And you know what? I believe the Eagles will be able to get past the Cardinals. The
3rd ranked defense in the league going against a team that has a hard
time defending the pass (which is all the Eagles do) is a no-brainer to
me. I don't care how hot like fire the Cardinals are right now. It will come to an end this weekend.
At least they are playing at home. There
is nothing worse than touching down at an empty airport because your
home town folks are mad they shelled out good cash for those expensive
ass jerseys they can only wear once. Or worse yet, a gate filled with angry fans wearing those jerseys and holding rotten tomatoes.
Not that it matters though. Little
Greta with her fire stick is going to be no match for whichever goon
squad crawls out of the American Football Conference. And yes, they
Secondly (and most importantly) - The AFC
we have the 1st and 2nd ranked defenses in the league and anyone who
doesn't believe the D wins the game is a moron. Think about it. The
offensive rookie of the year, the offensive player of the year, the
highest ranked passer of the year and the MVP of the year are all going
to be sitting next to you at the bar this weekend. Why;
because offense does not win games. Unless, of course, you have some
offense in your defense (Please refer to the NFL Reece's cup aka Ed
This is going to be the most fantastical knock down, drag out field fight we have seen in a long time. And to make things even better; these teams can't stand each other. Short of sickles, nooses, burning torches and weighted knives; they will be throwing anything and everything at each other. The defensive set-ups will be alien. The field will be dotted with yellow flags as the players call up their inner cavemen to get extra brutal with it. I know someone will have to score at some point and that will totally be dependent on whose offensive line can hold.
Who is going to win? The Ravens baby! Why; because I said so! A Baltimore girl would be remiss in her home town duties to suggest anything but. Besides, who can really dust off a team three times in one season? I just don't think Pittsburgh is THAT good.
**Shelz rolls her eyes in the general direction of Steeler Nation**
So Tampa Bay, you will need to man up. Hosting
a North East double scoop will be no easy task. Neither Baltimore, nor
Philly are known for their friendly residents; especially with all the
marbles on the line. So migrate the crabs and
the cheese steak and prepare for the charm and brotherly love because
Baltimore, MD and Philadelphia, PA are on their way. And to the Steelers fans, go ahead and cake your face up with that black and gold putty. You'll be crying it off come 10pm Sunday night.