As it so happens, I’ve been buried under a huge rock over
the past few years. I’ve come to find out that people rarely go out on “dates”
these days – unless it’s staged in a 26 minute segment and is paid for by a
cable network. Please don’t tell me that bringing flowers to the doorstep is tired. Please don’t tell me that the word ‘date’ is
outdated. Great Caesar’s ghost, I am going to lose my cool if we’re not ‘going steady’
anymore.
Where would this world be without dating? Would we be in
shambles as a society who yearns for companionship at all cost? Damn, I must’ve
been under the Rock of Gibraltar, because we’ve already arrived in Shamblesville,
with a population of… hmm, how many (ham)burgers has McDonald’s sold in its
existence? The population is in that ballpark.
You just can’t fathom how often I had to sit down with
someone who was having issues in their “ready-made” relationship. Yes, ready-made.
You know, the type of relationship that is already cooked, but just needs to be
reheated to enjoy? You can also call it the know-as-you-go plan; for example,
nine months into your relationship, you find out that your not-so-better half
has a middle name. Eureka!
Ready-made relationships are the direct effect of our
society’s lost interest in conducting Thorough Dating Habits (TDH). I’d like to
walk you through some examples in the form of going to the grocery store.
Someone who conducts Thorough Dating Habits would analyze their
kitchen’s inventory. As they come across an empty bottle of syrup or in need of
new pots and pans, they’d write it down on their list of things to buy. After
compiling their list, they head for their store of choice, check off their list
as they fill up their cart and leave the store satisfied in knowing that
they’ve either picked up everything from their list, or may have to go to another
store to fulfill their goal. Once they get home, all items are put in their
proper place, their current situation is analyzed, and then they build from
there.
Those who specialize in ready-made relationships think about
what they would like for dinner, and
instead of going through kitchen inventory, they just head for the store. Once
at the store, they grab what they believe is needed. During their search for
spaghetti sauce, they’re sidetracked by a new curling iron or video game. Once
they have the sidetracked item in their possession, busting their budget in the
process, they put back a few things from the cart. When they get home, items
are placed on the floor to crack open the sidetracked item first.
By the time dinner comes around and spaghetti is on the brain,
they realize that they don’t have enough sauce because it was put back and have
three boxes of noodles too many. I guess they’ll just deal with what they have.
Before explaining why conducting Thorough Dating Habits is
so important, I’d like to clear up the meaning for each status that we hold as
an individual and as a part of something special (in proper order).
·
When you’re ‘Single’,
you have no obligations to anyone. You are able to talk or go out with whomever,
whenever you please. You’re availability has no limits and fun is just a party
away.
·
When you’re ‘Dating’,
you have no obligations to anyone. You’re testing the waters, going out with
different prospects, and feeling out your connection with that person(s). Your
availability is limited, but you’re in the game.
·
When you’re ‘Involved’,
you now have an obligation (exclusive).
Your connection has grown to an exclusive level. Your availability is
now limited. At this stage, indulging yourself in others is labeled as
cheating.
·
When you’re ‘Married’,
your religion and/or the law binds your love. You’re with the person that you
will spend the rest of your life with (hopefully). Marriage is a total commitment. At this
stage, indulging yourself in others is labeled as infidelity/adultery.
·
We can’t forget the latest term ‘Separated’. This is the time period
between the verbal ending of a marriage and the completed paperwork of a
divorce. Being “separated” is the new “single,” and unsuspecting “daters” and
“true singles” are paying the cost for it.
Now that we have your status manual out of the way, let’s
bring our focus back to the dating process.
TDH can be looked at as an interviewing process. With each
date in the books, you have tangible information to process. How did he/she
present themselves? How did he/she smell? What do you agree/disagree on? Do you
share the same mental timeline (as in maturity level)? Depending on the place
you’ve chosen for the date, you can also see how they interact with others;
playing miniature golf, spades or singing karaoke, you’re able to see if he/she
has a fiery temper, if they are confident, a good sport or down right arrogant.
And what is an interview without a Q&A? TDH can help you
to weed out the riff raff through direct questioning. Welcome to the hot seat,
where connections can be made or broken before another bowl of fresh bread hits
the table. Test your compatibility by asking your date some basic questions. Do
you have a child or children, and if yes, are they all by the same person? Do
you smoke? So how long have you been working for Bad Boy? Do you have a
five-year plan in place?
Direct questioning can be processed immediately or at the
end of the date. The secret to effective questioning is not settling for an
answer that doesn’t suit your game plan. For example, if you’re a non-smoker
who is looking for a non-smoker, yet you find out from the nicotine scent in
their coat that your date smokes, you move on. People often make the mistake of
accepting others for a fault that you can’t stomach, which becomes viral and
spreads into other facets of the relationship — a huge mistake. Yes, I know,
no one person is perfect. But that doesn’t mean that you must accept the
unacceptable to obtain the race to nowhere (that’s a ready-made relationship trait).
I’m not here to say that reinforcing the art of dating will save
the world. What I am saying is that it will make a difference – if not for us (the
walking confused), then for generations to come. I ask you, if you’re a
macaroni and cheese lover, which one would you rather devour: the Easy-Mac that
only takes two-and-a-half minutes to cook, or the baked version where preparation
alone takes an hour plus?
The sad truth is that most of us place more preparation in
how we look before we leave the house than the people we choose to shack up
with. Believe me when I tell you that our next generation is watching, our
nieces and nephews are watching and our children are watching. So you’re not
just lying to yourself after you’ve made a mistake in calculation.
There are some things that you can’t change after the fact,
but what you can do is not be afraid to sit down with the child who looks up to
you and tell them that you’ve failed in some way; and that you don’t want for he
or she to follow in your footsteps. Remember, at the end of the day, the more
that we accept mediocrity, the more mainstream mediocrity will become.
First Date pointers
from The Socialite–Dress conservatively and tastefully for the occasion and within your means. If you only have one high-end outfit in your closet, save it. It’s ok to average out your attire and look. Otherwise, you’ll be buying a new outfit for each date that follows.–Meet at a neutral place that you’re familiar and comfortable with. You should save picking up or being picked up until you have a set trust in your date’s character. There’s nothing like having an unexpected guest on your porch when you get home from work; especially someone who you’ve come to loathe.–Have your game plan in place. Use direct questioning to your advantage.–Never settle. Whatever your standards may be, stick to them.–Stay Strong and MotivatedNext time, The Socialite has had all he could stand, and
can’t stand(s) no more! And you’ll be the first to figure out why.
