How much would you sacrifice for the betterment of your relationship? How much is too much and what should be off limits? Have you already comitted beauicide (boo-aw-side)?
Beauicide is a word that I created to define what happens when personal goals are deferred or completely eliminated, whether by choice or influenced, for the ‘betterment’ of your relationship.
Maybe you’re a high school graduate that was accepted to the college of your choice, but turned it down; maybe you turned down a promotion that would’ve placed you on the opposite side of the country; maybe you’re taking care of your girlfriend and her two children, financially and emotionally.
Whatever the case, Beauicide can result in the mental death of your hopes and dreams.
Common social etiquette would tell us that any relationship worth fighting for is worth the sacrifices that may come with it. However, this is the type of logic that held true quite a few generations ago. Society is far more needy today than it has ever been. People aren’t as trusting or as trustworthy (when mediocrity is accepted). Honesty was once the best policy… well, until it lapsed.
People are coming together to form couples, and the relationships immediately depreciate after the first kiss, all due to this ‘need’ for one person to have another all to themselves. Irony makes its appearance when requests for a ‘change of plans’ are made for the first time.
Let’s say you are a poet who met your significant other (S.O.) at a Poetry Slam. Once together, suddenly your new boo asks if you can skip an event to stay the night with them. After some healthy banter, you decide to stay with them. The next day, you come to find out that your idol Saul Williams attended the event by request to meet you. After finding out about what you’ve missed, you (excitedly) tell your S.O. about it and they nonchalantly blow it off.
But it doesn’t end there. Two weeks later, you’re S.O. is sick all of a sudden and wants for you to stay home again. This time they play the ‘choices game’ with you by asking you which is more important: your poetry or your love life? Not wanting to end your relationship over an event, thinking to yourself that there will be another event soon, you stay home.
Because of your sudden inconsistency, you’re building a bad reputation within the poetry circuit. The people that once had your back are disappointed in you and aren’t answering your phone calls, texts or emails as they once had. You are feeling the crunch, the good energy that once surrounded you on stage is declining, which is affecting your writing output.
As time goes on, you attend fewer events, now confiding in your S.O. – who is secretly satisfied with your career roadblock. It was only a matter of time before you placed your poetry on the backburner for an undetermined amount of time.
This example can be applied to any situation. Yeah, people can be this selfish with your life. However, there is also a reverse perception to beauicide. It’s not always a love interest that methodically shuts things down to keep you under their thumb.
Do you have a friend/family member that you hardly ever hear from when they are in a relationship, but once it’s over, they come running back to you? The fair-weather friend effect is in place. Your friend is in beauicide’s clutches. They’ll only contact you if they want something. And this something most likely won’t benefit you in any way. Some would blame it on lack of time management skills.
The truth is that this disappearing act is a controlled matter. Your friend knows that you don’t hang out as much, maybe at all. The reasoning is unspoken. Since your friend has someone, you are supposed to be happy and willing to step aside until needed. This perspective indirectly places you in the position of being around when misery needs company. Whatever you thought you had is an afterthought.
The toughest thing about building healthy connections is the shift in emotions. A solid connection can overcome any storm. A connection of convenience is flimsy and near its end at all times. Beauicide breeds heavily on connections of convenience, as well as eating dreams alive. Have you committed it?
Tips from The Socialite
Never lose focus on your goals for anyone, even the ones you (think you) love
Never fall victim to circumstances that you can control. If you’re in college and know for sure that becoming pregnant will place a halt to your momentum; however, your boyfriend that isn’t in college wants to have unprotected sex; even in the heat of the moment, make a decision for your future, not to satisfy someone in your present.
In other words, if you are aware that you have something to lose, whether it’s a job, apartment, car, sanity, etc. – don’t risk it by connecting yourself to some that doesn’t have anything to lose.
Time management is possible. You do have enough time in your day to reach out to those that care about you. I’d like to make one thing clear to you; just because you have people in your corner, doesn’t mean that you should neglect them because you believe that they are supposed to stick around no matter what. You’re the person you’ve become because of these people.
So guess what happens to your relationship when you no longer interact with the people that helped to sculpt you? Yes, you lose a piece of yourself – and in the process, you lose a part of who you are in the eyes of your significant other, friend or family member.
