Sunday Follies: Shelby HATES The Steelers

No, it’s not Hip Hop.  However,

it’s been the only thing on my mind for the last couple of weeks and

Lord knows I had to turn something in to the powers that be over here

before they block my IP address.  So I’m fitting a round peg into a square hole, but c’mon.  Who isn’t going to be glued to their TV this Sunday?

No, I’m not one of these NFL geeks who can quote stats and names and records and all that unnecessary stuff.  But

I do know a little bit more than whose uniforms are more fashionable or

which team has the nicest bootay per capita. (That would be the Giants

by the way.)

So here goes my personal female perspective on what is going to happen this weekend because well… I know.

First off- The NFC.

The

fact that either of the teams from the National Football Conference are

still hanging around is simply because the NFC has to provide a team

for the Super Bowl due to league rules. It’s kind of like that little

girl in the beauty pageant who everyone knows is going to lose, but she

got into the final five because her mom sold the most tickets. You give

little Greta that pity smile and push her onto the stage knowing she’s

going to drop her flaming baton on one of the judges then cry

hysterically as she runs back to her dressing room.

I know everyone loves Donovan McNabb.  There isn’t a Hip Hop football fan who doesn’t want to see ole dude get that ring.  He

weathered the Philly storm and unfairly played the villain for years in

the sports media while actually maintaining his composure when dealing

with the NFL’s resident drama queen, Terrell Owens.  Hell, I like him too. And you know what? I believe the Eagles will be able to get past the Cardinals.  The

3rd ranked defense in the league going against a team that has a hard

time defending the pass (which is all the Eagles do) is a no-brainer to

me. I don’t care how hot like fire the Cardinals are right now.  It will come to an end this weekend.  

At least they are playing at home.  There

is nothing worse than touching down at an empty airport because your

home town folks are mad they shelled out good cash for those expensive

ass jerseys they can only wear once.  Or worse yet, a gate filled with angry fans wearing those jerseys and holding rotten tomatoes.

Not that it matters though.  Little

Greta with her fire stick is going to be no match for whichever goon

squad crawls out of the American Football Conference. And yes, they

will crawl.

Secondly (and most importantly) – The AFC

Here

we have the 1st and 2nd ranked defenses in the league and anyone who

doesn’t believe the D wins the game is a moron. Think about it.  The

offensive rookie of the year, the offensive player of the year, the

highest ranked passer of the year and the MVP of the year are all going

to be sitting next to you at the bar this weekend.  Why;

because offense does not win games. Unless, of course, you have some

offense in your defense (Please refer to the NFL Reece’s cup aka Ed

Reed).

This is going to be the most fantastical knock down, drag out field fight we have seen in a long time.  And to make things even better; these teams can’t stand each other.  Short of sickles, nooses, burning torches and weighted knives; they will be throwing anything and everything at each other.  The defensive set-ups will be alien.  The field will be dotted with yellow flags as the players call up their inner cavemen to get extra brutal with it.  I know someone will have to score at some point and that will totally be dependent on whose offensive line can hold.   

Who is going to win? The Ravens baby!  Why; because I said so! A Baltimore girl would be remiss in her home town duties to suggest anything but.   Besides, who can really dust off a team three times in one season?  I just don’t think Pittsburgh is THAT good.

**Shelz rolls her eyes in the general direction of Steeler Nation**

So Tampa Bay, you will need to man up.  Hosting

a North East double scoop will be no easy task. Neither Baltimore, nor

Philly are known for their friendly residents; especially with all the

marbles on the line.  So migrate the crabs and

the cheese steak and prepare for the charm and brotherly love because

Baltimore, MD and Philadelphia, PA are on their way.  And to the Steelers fans, go ahead and cake your face up with that black and gold putty.  You’ll be crying it off come 10pm Sunday night.

Holla!

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