Straight Talk: The Other Woman

  Ladies, as much as I can’t stand a desperate woman, I’m going to help you out. Now, some of you may know this already, but for those who don’t – listen up. If rappers can rap about it,  and damn near every R&B, pop and country singer can sing about it, we can talk […]


Ladies, as much as I can’t stand a desperate woman, I’m

going to help you out. Now, some of you may know this already, but for those

who don’t – listen up. If rappers can rap about it,  and damn near every R&B, pop and country

singer can sing about it, we can talk about it.


Men cheat for “different” – not necessarily “better.” So that

means you, as the “other woman,” need to fulfill those voids that qualify you

as being different from the main squeeze.


How do you attain these differences? It’s simple. Evaluate

the main squeeze. Write down her traits. What is consistent about her? Does she

wear her hair the same way year after year? Is her wardrobe redundant? Is she

loud or quiet? Is she demanding or passive? Happy-go-lucky or moody?


Jot all these findings down and then create a list of



For example, if the word “demanding” is on your list, write

“passive” beside it. After you’ve compiled your list of opposites, check off

the characteristics that you already possess – and those that you do not check,

then you know what to do. Handle that.


Start working on possessing those characteristics – and

don’t go crazy trying to change who you are, because these characteristics will

only be used temporarily, on an as-needed basis. Remember, you are the other woman, which means you won’t be

around him as often as his main squeeze, thus, you won’t have to keep these characteristics

turned on all the time.


Now for all you married women or women in relationships who

wish you could jump through the computer screen and choke the hell out of me,

don’t get mad… get smart! You can be that other woman! Write the list about

yourself (and be as objective as possible, even try using descriptions that

your man would use if he were creating the list). Then write you a list of

opposites that you need to add to your personality traits and/or habits.


Work on these opposites and turn them on ever so often,

giving your man a taste of being with another woman while still being with you!

Get where I am going? Of course you do.


I sure hope you didn’t think I was condoning mistress

behavior—hell no! I’m a married woman myself! What I am doing, though, is

trying to save your relationship. I’m trying to show you how to keep your man

satisfied with you, and you alone!


Get on your job, and yes, I am calling having a man a “job.”

But if it’s fun, pays well, and gives you something to do every day, then why

the hell are you complaining? So like I said, get on your job and be your man’s

other woman!


Okay, with all that said, I know that half of you are

twisting your lips up saying, “I’m not doing all that.” I got one phrase for you – and I’m sure you heard it before – but

here it goes again: If you don’t do it,

then somebody else will.


But for the other half of you who are like, “All right, I’m

with you. Now tell me some tips…” let’s get down to the nitty-gritty.


Keeping your relationship happy and healthy can be simple.

Just try to be as considerate of him as you beg and plead for him to be of you.

It can’t be that hard. After all it’s what you ask of him isn’t it? So for

those of you who twisted your lips initially, I hope you read on, because I

would hate for you to let a potentially great union fall by the wayside over

being stubborn.


Think about it. All I’m suggesting is you break away from

being “wife” for a day or two out the week and become mistress. This simple

routine can add years to your relationship—happy years, that is.


Now, turning into the other woman doesn’t mean transforming

yourself. It just means transforming the things that you do, and this can

entail everything from spicing things up in your bedroom to simply cooking

dinner in something sexier than the sweats you usually cook in. You see, it

doesn’t always boil down to sex. Sometimes men just want different.


Instead, of going to bed with your scarf on, try sleeping

without it one night – just make sure it’s the night before your hair

appointment. Take it to the ultimate level of satisfaction, wake your man up

with a rare treat (and you married women living in a routine should know what I

mean!) one morning before you get up to go to

work. I know, disgusting right? You would never do that. Well that is exactly

why that would be one of your opposites that you turn on every now and then,

remember? Stay with me now.


Plan “dates” with your man. You know, where you get dressed

up and meet him somewhere, or have him come pick you up as if you two are going

on a first date – or even make it feel like you two are sneaking off without

“wifey” knowing. In addition, sex in strange places gives your man the

excitement and the bragging rights that, sorry to say, comes with cheating. So

try it in a dressing room or a nightclub bathroom—what’s the worst that can

happen? You get kicked out? It’s not so bad, trust me, I know.


Oh, and times where you would normally criticize your man or

add to his frustrations after he’s made a mistake or done something he feels

bad about, try pampering him instead.


The bottom line is ladies, try to laugh more, play more, be

creative and spontaneous, and don’t use the kids or work as an excuse to spend

less time with your man. If he’s worth it you should want to spend lots of time

with him, and he needs to know and feel that! Of course that’s if he’s worth

it, though, ladies.


Don’t take this advice if your man doesn’t deserve it.

You’ll burn yourself out and become discouraged, neglecting to use these

tactics again, even if the man who does deserve it enters your life. If you’re

wondering whether or not your man falls into the “worth it” category, that’s a

whole other topic. I’ll discuss that one in the next article.


But I will say this, if you were one of the lip twisters,

your man probably isn’t worth all this. However, you still may need to find out

for sure, so stay tuned because I can see now that we have a lot to talk about!


Miasha is the author

of Don’t Make Me Dinner, Make Me Rich! How to Be the Superwoman of Today,

coming soon. She is also author of fiction bestsellers Diary of a Mistress,

Mommy’s Angel, and Sistah for Sale,

all available in bookstores and online nationwide. For more information, go to

her website at