EPIC FAIL OF THE DAY: ELMO LOSES HIS VOICE! KEVIN CLASH QUITS!

[UPDATE: A second man has come forth to say that he had a sexual relationship with the voice of Elmo when he was 15 years old. Elmo’s voice was 17 years older than he was.]

Elmo has been through it, but it has finally come to an end over the sensational allegations that the voice, Kevin Clash, has taken a loss. Damn, my G. I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt that you weren’t running up in young boys, but it looks like its true. Son, how do you work at Sesame Street and be a p###? Ahhhhhhhh HAIL NAW. All these kids are damaged now. because they will hear a change in Elmo’s voice and know its a fake! You probably know this, but Clash’s 24-year-old accuser recanted his story the day after saying he, but he was paid off. And we all soon knew what he said was true: ELMO’S VOICE HAD SEX WITH HIM WHEN HE WAS 16. DAMN IT MAN!

Sesame Street released a statement:

Sesame Workshop’s mission is to harness the educational power of media to help all children the world over reach their highest potential. Kevin Clash has helped us achieve that mission for 28 years, and none of us, especially Kevin, want anything to divert our attention from our focus on serving as a leading educational organization. Unfortunately, the controversy surrounding Kevin’s personal life has become a distraction that none of us want, and he has concluded that he can no longer be effective in his job and has resigned from Sesame Street. This is a sad day for Sesame Street.

Somewhere Mitt Romney is laughing.