When Ludacris filed for and won full custody of the child he conceived while on a break from his relationship with his now wife, Eudoxie, no one was more stunned than the child’s mother Tamika Fuller.

Losing custody of her first child has broken her heart and now she has penned an open letter on the site MadameNoire to tell her side of the story and how it feels as a mother to lose your child.

“And having him rip my baby from me feels like an act of willful violence that reoccurs every single day that I wake up and realize that she’s not by my side,” she wrote.

Fuller says that she and Luda were longtime friends and became intimate after he broke up with Eudoxie, who he married earlier this year and is expecting his third child with. She says that things were fine until she became pregnant and he begged her to terminate her pregnancy.

“Deep down, even though I knew he never wanted the baby, I was hurt at the idea that there was a real possibility that my daughter’s father might not be part of her life. I thought that he would accept our daughter’s impending arrival and want to take part in the process, but I now know that thinking was naive.”

Fuller claims that in efforts to get her to get an abortion, Ludacris promised her lifestyle of the rich and famous but she didn’t except any of it. She says that since he was so vocal about not wanting the baby she was shocked when he filed for and won custody of their one-year-old daughter.

“Knowing that he had no desire to have a baby, imagine my surprise when he filed for physical custody of our daughter and a judge ruled in his favor. I was stunned, devastated, and overwhelmed. I asked myself over and over again, ‘How could this happen to me?’ What had I done wrong? It felt as if I were screaming into howling winds and no one could hear me say, “I’m a good mother. I love my daughter. I’m a good mother. I love my daughter.”

Fuller wrote that after her daughter was taken, Ludacris was given all the power, even controlling her social media posts related to their child.

“What kind of mother gets her child taken away from her? I only cut back on my work hours following my maternity leave to ensure that I had enough time to spend with my daughter during the first year of her life. However, it was this financial reasoning along with events that transpired 20 years ago in my teens that were the justifications used when issuing the decision. The retribution continued to roll in because apparently taking away my child wasn’t enough of a punishment. I was then denied assistance with lawyer fees and told that her father needed to authorize the pictures I posted on my personal social media page. As I apologized to my friends and family for not being able to share imagery of the evolution of my child, I scratched my head: What does Instagram censoring have to do with disparate income levels? Subsequently, I now have no child, no First Amendment rights, and I’m in debt to the tune of six figures.”

Read the full letter here.