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The Last Word Anniversary: Halfway Through ’09 Awards

Once again, the clock strikes Friday and the weekend calls.

This month marks another year of Last Word being around to give you something

to talk about. Shout out to everybody who regularly checks in (the real

sounding boards) as well as those who stop by every blue moon and those who,

like, don’t like it cuz they just don’t like it. Thanks to the big boss lady

for letting me do what I do with this. It is appreciated.

 

And with that, here’s something different for this week.

Awards for the people who made an impact in the first half of 2009 with some

runners up to boot. Strictly entertainment in keeping with Last Word M.O. Nothing

too serious to think on.

 

This is…the first-ever LW Awards for the week ending June

19, 2009.

 

Ike Turner ‘Chick You Betta Not Check My Cell Phone

Again’ Award

 

Winner: Chris Brown

 

Was there any real competition for this honor? Breezy is the

obvious winner after his alleged pre-Grammy beating of Rihanna took him off

most people’s most likable guy list. And with his case going to trial likely

(not to mention talk of death threats), it will be interesting to see if he can

come out of this in one piece. But Brown is back in the studio working on a new

album so anything is possible. In the future, Ashanti will handpick the crooner to co-star

in a big screen remake of The Wiz. The

songbird will transition from Broadway to the movie theater as Dorothy. Brown

will fill Michael Jackson’s shoes as the Scarecrow, Wesley Snipes replaces

Nipsey Russell as the Tin Man and Ja Rule comes aboard as the Cowardly Lion.

Rounding out the cast will be Alicia Keys as Glinda the Good Witch, Fantasia as

the Wicked Witch and Dave Chappelle, who will make his long-awaited comeback as

The Wiz. All in an effort to

prove that you too can walk away from a multi-million dollar set up to do your

part to help someone worse off than you clean up his act.

Make a Wish Foundation Award

 

Winner: Flavor Flav

 

Runners up: Ray J

and New York

 

It was a tough decision, but Flav took it by a narrow

margin. How else can you explain why the Public Enemy hype man got a chance to

pick from 20 women? Could it be VH1’s attempt to help a former A-list celebrity

regain his swag on the way to the D-list Hall of Shame? And with the ladies

doing whatever to win Flav’s heart, I guess love truly is blind.

 

In the future, Flavor Flav will eventually realize he is

meant to spend his quality time with his Surreal Life/Strange Love flame Brigitte Nielsen, who has retired from

molesting younger men. Look for VH1 to chronicle their renewed romance (and New

York’s attempt to sabotage the union) in the network’s upcoming celebreality

series All’s Fair in Love and Flav.

 

Silk E. Johnson Lifetime Hater Award

 

Winner: Etta James

 

Much respect to Ms. James for being a singing legend. But

even legends carry hate on occasion. Especially when someone else sings your

signature song (“At Last”) on the night the President is sworn into office.

 

“You know that woman he had singing for him, singing my song

– she’s gonna get her a— whipped,” Etta said in February. “The

great Beyoncé … But I can’t stand Beyoncé. She has no business up there,

singing up there on a big ol’ President’s Day … singing my song that I’ve

been singing forever.”

 

Tough words from the lady who later claimed the remarks were

said in jest. In the future, Etta James will headline Wrestlemania 26 in a no-holds barred last diva standing match

against Beyoncé. The winner will headline the I Was Only Joking When I Whipped

Your Ass tour, along with the winner of the Mashonda vs. Alicia Keys cage

smackdown, who will serve as the opening act for the outing. 

 

R. Kelly Teflon Award (ain’t nothing sticking to him/her)

 

Winner: Jamie Foxx

 

He may have lost some fans with controversial comments on

Miley Cyrus, but Foxx has remained untouchable in the eyes of people who count

him among their favorite entertainers. Add that to the success of his latest

album, Intuition and kissing and palming

the backside of Halle Berry at a recent awards show, and 2009 has treated Jamie

pretty good. In short, just blame it on the talent. A little humor and

confidence goes a long way.

 

17 Minutes of Fame Award

 

Winner: Ray J

 

Again, another tight race, but the committee has spoken.

Every hot single that arrives every two or three years is another minute of

fame added on for Brandy’s little brother.  And with another season of For the Love of Ray J set, it looks like Mr. Norwood could add another 2

¾ minutes to the mix. Hopefully without the “chart-topping” theme music.

 

Runner-up: New York

 

Once again, VH1 continues to play fairy godmother to those

in need of a glass slipper. Two shots at Flav, a show to find somebody special

and another to let America pick your next job? Can the next gig be a normal

life for New York? I’m just sayin’. No more drama (queens), please.

 

In the future, Ray J will team up with Flavor Flav for their

highly-anticipated Best of Both Worlds project called The Real Life aka What’s

Love Got To Do With It?

 

Rick Ross/Lil Wayne Everyday I’m Hustlin’ Award

 

Winner: Tyler Perry

 

Spike Lee may have a problem with Tyler Perry’s TV shows,

but you can’t deny the fact that the entertainment mogul is constantly working

on something to keep the dough coming in. Whether it’s House of Payne, Meet the Browns or movies featuring his most popular character,

Madea, Tyler has overcome a lot to get to where he’s at. Not even an alleged

stalker could throw him off making an impact in front of the camera or behind

the scenes with his own entertainment studio.

Runners-up: T-Pain

and Beyoncé

In the future, Tyler Perry’s next movie will feature Beyoncé

with T-Pain on the soundtrack. It will be called Diary of a Burned Out

Performer.

 

Swagga Like Bey Award

 

Winner: Ciara

 

From the synchronized dance moves to the metal costume and

gloves, it could be said that Ciara is doing her best to channel Beyoncé. Then

again, the same could be said for most female singers out now. Everybody wants

to be like Mrs. Carter. The only thing is it may never ever ever happen since

Beyoncé herself has been known to steal bits and pieces of somebody’s technique

for her own purposes. But hey, if it works, it works. In the future, Ciara and

everyone else influenced by Beyoncé will hit the road for what will be known as

the Me, Myself and Imitators tour. Opening acts to be announced in the coming

weeks.

I’m a Star, But They Still Don’t Know Who I Am Award

 

Winner: Taraji P.

Henson

 

Oscar-nominated (for best supporting actress in The

Curious Case of Benjamin Button), but has

fallen victim to the Oscar curse. Will somebody give this lady a chance to

shine again? I’m a fan and I need to see more of her.

 

WTF Did You Put That Remix Out/Something to Talk About

Award    

 

Winner: Keri Hilson

for the “Turnin’ Me On” remix

 

With a hit single(“Turnin’ Me On”) and healthy buzz for her

debut album, Keri was starting to get the props she deserved after being in the

background for so long. Then the “Turnin’ Me On” remix leaked and everything

shifted. They say any publicity is good publicity and nothing sells records

like controversy. But seemingly taking indirect shots at Beyoncé and Ciara and

having to do damage control to smooth things over seemed to be more energy than

it was worth. Still, Miss Keri came hard on it and is still doing her thing as

she has a hit album to her credit.

 

Riches to Rags Award       

 

Winner: Amy

Winehouse

 

Do I really need to explain why? If you don’t know by now…

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