DIGITS: Top 10 Lyrical Chump Moves In Hip-Hop

At times, rappers for all of their posturing and street-hop ways can say and do things that defy the characters they create. Here, I will look at the greatest lyrical b***h moves by artists. The list consists of all men, dead & living, mostly rappers, but there is some space devoted to R&B singers. Without further adiu, illseed presents the “Top 10 Lyrical Chump Moves in Hip-Hop.” (Feel free to comment, disagree or add your own additions to the list. These views don’t necessarily reflect the views of AllHipHop and I think it’s a b***h move that they won’t cosign their homeboy.)

1) Tupac vs. De La Soul and Larry Holmes

“N***as looking like Larry Holmes, flabby and sick. (Look at De La Soul)”

Song: “Against All Odds”

Pac did more than his fair share of foulness. When Pac recorded “Against All Odds,” I knew he was going all out. He was dissing rappers left and right for no apparent reason. I mean, to this day I don’t know why he dissed Mobb Deep, Nas, Jay-Z and others. Biggie and Chino XL are other matters completely. But on the song, he takes a jab at both former heavy weight champ Larry “The Easton Assassin” Holmes and former flower children De La Soul, some peace loving brothers. Now, at the time, Larry Holmes was nothing close to his prime, but he was the man that ended Muhammad “The G.O.A.T.” Ali’s career and who has a legacy that resides in the boxing Hall of Fame. De La Soul. Why, Pac? They never did anything to you yet in the adlibs he screams, “Look at De La Soul,” saying they are also flabby and sick too. They put on a few pounds, but..all that? Just plain wrong.

2) The Notorious B.I.G. (aka Biggie Smalls) vs. Little Children

“Don’t they know my n***a gutter f#####’ kidnap kids? / F**k em in the a**, throw ‘em over the bridge (oooh)”

Song: “Beef”

YO! This isn’t revisionist reflecting here. Biggie Smalls, one of the best to do it, said this lyric on “Beef” (Life After Death) and it was a cold, unfair rap to all the doting kiddies that eventually sang, “We’ll Always Love You Big Poppa.” Even the hardest gangstas from fictional Tony “Scarface” Montana to real ones like Rivi (“Cocaine Cowboys” DVD, peep it) avoiding killing children, or at least tried. In this song, Biggie proudly rolls with assassins that not only kill innocent kiddies but forcibly sodomize them before tossing them into the pond. What Biggie should have said was, “Don’t you know my n****as love the kids, they give them Jolly Ranchers and red licorice.” Damn, B.I.G.

3) Jay-Z vs. Tito Jackson

“Your boy’s off the wall [like Michael Jackson], these other n****s is Tito”

Song: “Party Life”

After “Ether,” Jay-Z admitted that he went too damn far. Even his mother called him out on that one. Well I am going to call him out for something else that’s purely unacceptable. On “Party Life” from Jay-Z’s American Gangster, he winds down with a silky smooth, swanky jam that gets people into sipping Cosmos and what not. But Jay does a sucker move when he calls out somebody that didn’t do anything to him. “Your boy’s off the wall [like Michael Jackson], these other n****s is Tito…Shout out to Randy.” WORD? What exactly did Tito Jackson do to anybody but play bass for one of the greatest families of all time? What did he do, but become inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame? What did he ever do to Jay-Z!? Nothing and that’s why I’m not feeling Jay with this one. Now, Randy…I’m not so sure, but Tito—back off he, smell the coffee! SMH!

4) Cam’ron vs. Nas’ Beloved Mother

Is nothing scared? Nas’ lovely mother died of cancer in 2002 and, since there is no cure for death yet, she wasn’t able to respond to Cam’ron for “Killa’s Revenge.” Do you remember it? Me neither, but I remember he disrespected Nas’ mother after she passed away. Nas was smart. He ignored it. To Killa’s credit, Nas did start it, calling Cam’s album, Come Home With Me, wack. He didn’t have to do that either. The Game recently did something similar to 50 Cent on the mixtape diss “Body Bags” and that’s a b***h move too (sorry Game!). Cam set it off in an era when people actually cared…and he eventually said sorry on “Rap City.”

5) Eminem vs. Pop Stars

I’m always leery of saying something about Eminem. I guess that’s a b***h move on my part, but he’s been known to destroy a career or 30. But in the year 2000, I actually contrasted Eminem with Bumpy Knuckles. At the time, Eminem was slaying defenseless pop stars left and right on The Marshall Mathers LP [one of my favorite CDs I might add] like he was a lyrical sniper. Everybody from Britney Spears, all the boy bands, Christina Aguilera and others were getting defecated on. Even Will Smith played the token Black diss (“Will Smith don’t gotta cuss in his raps to sell records / Well I do, so f**k him and f**k you too”). Bumpy Knuckles, by way of his Industry Shakedown album, was calling out street rappers like Nore and music industry heavy weights like Lyor Cohen [I didn’t even know who Lyor was!]. No question, Eminem was throwing straight jabs and wild bolo punches, lyrically at the top of his game. I just wish he was fighting some people that could fight back like Bumpy Knuckles.

6) KRS-One vs. Nelly

“You tired of me saying what’s real Hip-Hop/ Well I’m tired of you biting my sh– to go pop”

“Sales don’t make you the authority/ It only means you sold out to the White majority”

Song: “Clear ‘Em Out”

In the year, 2002, a pop rapper named Nelly penned a song called “Number 1,” which appeared on both Nellyville and the Training Day Soundtrack. The song was one of the better songs for the rapper. In the year 1988, KRS-One penned “I’m Still Number One,” an example of fine lyricism. Somehow, the Nelly version of the song offended KRS-One and the BDP founder went on a lyrical rampage to rid the world of Nelly with “Clear ‘Em Out” and “Ova Here.” To this day, I don’t know why KRS really went at Nelly, but it just didn’t seem right, at the time and still doesn’t. We all know KRS is lyrically superior, but Nelly was pretty harmless. It was like Chuck D dissing slaying Soulja Boy. Anyway, KRS is now reigniting his Stop The Violence Movement so he gets 100% Amnesty from me.

7) LL Cool J vs Canibus

“When young sons fantasize of borrowing flows / tell little shorty with the big mouth the bank is closed (yeah, word up) / The symbol on my arm is off limits to challengers

You hold the rusty swords I swing the Excalibur.”

Song: “4, 3, 2, 1”

(feat. Canibus, DMX, Method Man, Redman and eventually Master P)

The moments prior to the LL Cool J/Canibus battle were painful. LL was slated for a Mama-Said-Knock-You-style comeback and all schools were rooting for him. The only thing is LL’s monstrous verse on the posse cut “4, 3, 2, 1” was a diss to Canibus, who was originally on the song. Canibus was like the second coming of every emcee we loved, including Cool J. On his original verse, Canibus was shadily removed from “4, 3, 2, 1” because of a line he said, “L, is that a mic on your arm? Let me borrow that.” Well, LL sensitively took offense, requested that Canibus change the line and the young rapper abided. The issue? LL’s ill verse dissed the rapper anyway without directly saying his name. We all could tell what was going on. Well, after the beef was over, Canibus even released phone conversations of L trying to discourage Canibus out of replying with “Second Round KO,” his ultra-abrasive reply. I didn’t like seeing LL look like that.

8) Mobb Deep vs. A Deceased Tupac

“Who Shot Ya? You’d probably scream louder than an opera”

Song: “Drop A Gem On ‘Em”

Tupac was killed in 1996 in a driveby shooting. Most of the nation mourns openly. Mobb Deep somehow became one of Pac’s rap targets and the Queensbridge group returns fire on Pac in the form of “Drop A Gem On ‘Em,” which came out on November 19, 1996 with the Hell on Earth album. To its credit, the song is probably the best diss record ever aimed at Tupac. They lyrically broke it down and rocked in a way few East Coast acts did. The only thing is it was released a couple months after Pac was dead and gone. Granted, they didn’t know ‘Pac was going to die. Granted, it’s a classic song. Granted, maybe it was too late to change. Still.

9) The Game vs. Video Chicks

What the hell was up with that song, “You Won’t Get Far” from Doctor’s Advocate by The Game?! It’s no mystery, I’m a huge fan of The Game, but that song was just silly. He was going at all these chicks and lying on them. I know Melyssa Ford drives something more full-bodied than a Honda Accord (get it? Full bodied?). Furthermore, he went on to battle Vida Guerra. Damn. Make love, not war!

Gloria Velez must be called out for joining The Game in the video, even though he was clearly talking about her too!

Shout out to The Game, he could have gotten on here for saying he would put hot sauce in Mims’ eye…get it? “This is why I’m hot!” Moving on…

10) Milk Dee of the Audio Two vs. Some Jailbird’s Girl

“Would you stop scheming, and looking hard / I got a great big bodyguard”

“If your girl’s out of place it’s your girl I slap.”

Song: “Top Billin’”

The Audio Two (80’s legends) have a certified seminal hit with “Top Billin’.” It is one of my favorite songs of all times and I know it word for word. 50 Cent even sampled emcee Milk Dee’s voice recently on his latest, album saving song, “I Get Money.” I’ve always been deeply disturbed by the following lyrics, that reek of b***hiness:

“I stole your girl while you were in prison /Jailed, for MC assault.”

Despite his claims of being “Rated R,” Milk was decidedly for most ages—clean as a whistle in bleach. I didn’t appreciate him stealing some thug’s girl while he was in prison. What did he do when that bully got out of jail? Furthermore, did he rat out the guy that assaulted him, sending him to the clink?

Later in the song, Milk says, “Clap your hands, your hands you clap / If your girl’s out of place it’s your girl I slap.” Slapping girls, but has a bodyguard for the thugs? Well, this a wack and contradictory move in a classic song.

HONORABLE MENTION

11) Nas

I know this isn’t a lyrical act of malice, but I have to mention it since Nas didn’t make the original list. Nas wanted to simulate a lynching of Jay-Z at a Hot 97 Summer Jam event in 2002. He wasn’t permitted to do it, because somebody had sense enough to stop that act from being carried out. Black men don’t lynch Black men! I didn’t like that move from Nas and now he wants to call his album N***er. I hope things have changed. Well, they have – he and Jay are cool and even have a fancy handshake they do.

BONUS: ILLSEED

Here is my sucker move. I would like to publicly offer a sincere apology to all the aforementioned people in this literary piece of junk. KRS-One & LL Cool J, I idolized you two and don’t want any beef with you. I know that you are a pair of pretty big dudes and could probably beat my a** fairly easily. Jay-Z & Eminem: Don’t destroy me. I’m just trying to eat and entertain. I could even make you a lot of money if you invest in illseed. Biggie & Pac: I love y’all. Milk Dee, you never hurt anybody did you? Why did I do that? Cam’ron: I never thought wearing pink was anything other than an act of a secure masculine man. The Game was meant to be sold, not told. My bad Jayceon. P and Hav – y’all the homies! Keep your head up P!

GIVE ME YOUR “CHUMP MOVES!”

The views expressed inside this editorial are definitely not necessarily the views of AllHipHop.com or its employees.