By illseed
[Editorial note: this story is a satire and a political parody.]
Streets across the United States have been hit with a new, infectious
substance that has swept the country from the streets of New York to the shores
of Miami to the coast of California.
The new substance is called That O-bama and it is a direct result of the highly
successful campaign of Senator Barack Obama.
In many urban settings, illicit drugs have been the commerce of choice for
those that choose to live outside of the mainstream. These drugs include
cocaine, meth, crack, marijuana and other substances like glue.
That O-bama has completely replaced them all in a swell of optimism.
"I got that O-Bama, I got that O-Bama," a man says from the streets of
Denver, several weeks after the Democratic National Convention. "Whatever you need,
I got all that O-Bama. We still got it!"
The man refused to allow AllHipHop.com to identify him, but he agreed to
speak under the condition of anonymity.
He said, "that O-bama" is safer to sell than drugs, but twice as potent. Sadly,
drugs have been one of the chief forms of economic advancement by those that
have opted for risky illegal means to make money.
"That O-bama is selling like hot cakes after the club let out. That Obama is
that good good. I sell my Obama to all colors and creeds of people. I just can't
believe I was selling crack just six months ago and catching all sorts of cases. Barack actually wants us to sell that good old O-bama to the
people. It's actually good for the people!"
Obama, commonly called "that good old O-Bama" has known to give a person
insight, inspiration and insight to the political process.
One man says that he gives "that good old O-Bama" away free after buying
wholesale at discounted prices.
"I know it's stupid, but I buy a crazy amount of that "good good O-Bama and
I give it away. I just give it away. People are out here and they are addicted
and they need a fix daily," he says. "If I don't, somebody else will give them
some bad stuff."
That "good, old O-Bama" has spawned a number of copycats which have been
known to have adverse affects on the user.
"I got some of this stuff called "A New Change," 'War Hero" and "Tina Fey
Lookin' Idiot." They swore to me it was better than that good old O-Bama," said
John Taylor, who ran out of his stash of Obama. "That other stuff broke me out
and I had bumps all over my neck. Nothing ruins the streets faster than bad 'd.'"
To counter the plague of bad O-Bama, street level dealers have decided to
offer more forms and kinds of the product.
The names range from "DiscObama" to "BuffalObama" to "HydrObama" to
"Hama-ina-Hamina-Obama."
Other forms of Obama come in clothing – flavors of African kinte cloth colors
or red, white and blue. All are considered good, even though they may lack a
nice artistic aesthetic.
One person created "That Good Old O-bama" cologne, another O-bama soap and
another still called "That Good Old O-bama Change Pills," a generic prescription
for societal change.
Whether or not these remedies actually create true change remains to be seen,
but until then, it appears the masses will continue to consume "The Good Old
O-bama."