THE DAY REPORT: How to F*** Over An Artist

I’ve seen so many people get jerked in the 17 years that I

have been pulling artists out of bad deals. 

And I have been vocal (for free) about how artists can protect

themselves from getting jerked by less than savory managers and production

companies, greedy labels, and unscrupulous scammers.  Yet, every week it seems I get a new request

for help.  I’m not quite sure how the “protect

yourself” information can be out there, and artists are STILL signing bad deals

that steal their dreams from them.  It’s

most frustrating.

 

So I thought I’d write a tongue-in-cheek article on how to

JERK an artist, and then maybe folks will read it and their b####### tactics

will be exposed.  I realize that I run

the risk of helping the scumbags jerk more people, but that’s a risk I am

willing to take.  So here goes….based on

the numerous ways I have seen artists get jerked…

 

First of all, you have to be certain you are working with an

artist over 18 who knows very little about the music business.  How else will you be able to teach him your

version of how it’s supposed to work?  He

definitely needs to be over 18 so a Judge doesn’t get involved and nullify the

contract on the basis of a minor not being able to legally enter into a binding

contract. 

 

Definitely sign a male rapper.  Yes, you run the risk of him becoming violent

when he finds out you’ve scammed him, but by then you should have enough money

to either be untouchable or hire security. 

Also, male rappers statistically sell better on average than female

rappers, and if you’re going to stick somebody for their loot, it may as well

be as much loot as possible.  Besides, an

angry female will go to further extremes if you p### her off, remember that

last shorty you did wrong?  She came

after your ass, didn’t she? 

 

A solo artist is less risky than a group, as it’s only one

angry person to watch out for, rather than many who may team up for revenge.  A younger person is often more naïve, and you

can sell him some b####### about the industry only wanting young artists.  If you get him to lie that he’s two years

younger than he really is, he’ll feel like he shares a secret with you.  The more secrets you have on him, the easier

it will be to control him.  And if he

p##### you off, you can tell the world his secrets and he’ll always be the one

who looks stupid.  He’ll also be too busy

dodging the press, to come after you.  If

you can secretly record conversations that make him look bad, you can

especially damage his career so he has nothing left–just in case he manages to

get away from you.

 

It’s good to remind the artist often that you’re family and

you’d never do him wrong.  If he thinks

you’re all sacrificing now to build something for a down-the-road payoff, you

can probably get a good 4 years of loyalty out of the dupe.  If you are all persons of color, you could

utilize the race card to your benefit reminding him that “Black folks have to

stick together because the white man has been keeping us down for long

enough.”  Some people even mention

slavery and other assorted history to further the bond.  Some phrases you could use to convince him

are:

We are

family.  I got

your back. We are

(a) soldiers, (b) warriors, (c) a team, (d) fill in the blank.We are

building an empireYou’re

going to be a starYou’re

going to be richYou

are doper than (a) Jay Z, (b) Tupac was, (c) Biggie was, (d) Eminem.You

can buy your Mamma a big houseI’m

gonna make your dreams come true. There

will be plenty for everybodyDon’t

be (a) a hater, (b) crabs in the barrel, (c) selfish, (d) fill in the

blank

 

Make sure your artist has a “manager.”  It will make him feel bigger than he is.  If the person he chooses is too savvy, make

sure you poo-poo his choice and allude that you can’t do a deal if he has this

person in his camp.  Encourage family

member choices, or childhood friend choices, especially if you feel you can

control them later through (a) money, (b) manipulation, (c) drug habits, (d)

blackmail.  An artist manager who

secretly works for you is a priceless gift worth his weight in Gold.  The major labels were built on this.  What manager doesn’t eventually want his own

label?  You could dangle that carrot in

front of him forever.

 

When the artist is in a position where he’s feeling secure

and he believes in you 100%, it’s time to put that contract in front of him

with a pen.  Have it open to the last

page and show him exactly where he should sign it.  Act like you’re in a hurry.  A time where you’re about to give him money,

or right before a show in the parking lot of the club, or when he’s really high

in the studio and hearing his boys giving him tons of “you the man” praise, are

all good times to offer the contracts. 

Don’t worry, he’ll sign.  They all

do. 

 

If he tries to look at the writing in the contract, or even

tries to turn a page, snatch it back from him and act hurt.  Remind him that you’re all family and if

there’s no trust then maybe you should find someone else to sign.  Tell him you could get him a lawyer if he

really wants, but it’ll have to be in exchange for that (a) gear, (b) watch,

(c) car, or (d) cash you were about to give him.  If he really pushes the having his own

attorney bit, and you can’t manipulate him out of the idea, make certain he has

an attorney with no power.  It’s

important to let him use someone with some music business experience so they

don’t run up the bill with your lawyer fighting for stupid stuff. 

 

There are many new, wanna-be, and fringe (outside of the

inner circle that exists in the music industry) lawyers who troll the industry

for clients and will give love to whomever is paying their bill (you).  They come in all colors and all prices.  Just remember, a lawyer makes more money

working for a label than for an artist, so most can very easily be swayed to do

what you want in the deal, even for a reduced fee, with a promise of future

work, even if it’s b#######. 

 

Lawyers get paid to do deals, not to break them, so they will

usually finish the deal no matter how bad it is, rather than walk away from

making their fee.  They console

themselves with the fact they got their client the best deal they could.  It is important to find someone with reduced,

or no, integrity.

 

Sign as many artists as you want, promising them whatever

you have to, to get them to sign.  Don’t

worry about putting them out or doing anything at all with them.  Once they are signed, you own them.  Most artists really just want to be signed to

a record label and that will pacify them longer than you think.  Be hard to find so you won’t have to listen

to their b#######.  If they can’t find

you, it’s not your fault you’re busy– after all, you are running a

business.  If they do catch you,

sympathize with them and tell them you’ll look into it, or that they are up

next.  Both of these excuses only work

about 3 times, but if you are good at eluding the artists, that’s at least a

year.

 

Make certain your lawyer worded the contract to sign your

artists for no less than 7 albums (not years, as 7 albums is about 14 years

really), give him little to no advance, take 100% of the publishing and

merchandising, get 50% of everything else as his production company, and make

the stat rate at 10X, 75%.  Have a

separate contract that assigns you as his official manager for life, for

25%.  Tell him how big you are in the

industry and how you can make s### happen at the drop of a hat, in fact, you

left Akon or Diddy on hold just now to speak with your favorite artist (him)

because he’s so important to you. 

 

Placate him with the lie that you’re going to put him on

tour with (a) Jay Z, (b) Lil Wayne, (c) R Kelly (if he also likes his females

young) or (d) Plies, and that nobody else would do that for him.  Remind him that with his cut of tour income

like that, he won’t even notice your manager’s fee of 25%, besides you’re doing

all the work: all he has to do is rap on stage for 20 minutes and get head in

the limo on the way back to the hotel by the prettiest female.  Tough life.

 

Speaking of shows, if you are lucky enough to stumble on an

opportunity, make sure the artist thinks he’s only getting $1,000 to do the

show, while the promoter is really paying you $5,000.  Then, when the promoter sends you the first

half of $2,500, tell the artist the $500 front end came in, and you keep the

other $2,000.  Or be a sport and tell him

since you’re such a great manager you got the whole $1,000 upfront and keep the

remaining $1,500 and then keep the whole backend of $2,500.  You’ll be his hero.  By the time the IRS sends the artist a tax

notice (takes about 3 years) for the taxes he didn’t pay on all the $5,000

shows, you’ll be long gone. 

 

A real easy way to make a lot of money is to book multiple

shows for the same night and don’t show up to any except one.  You can keep all the front end deposits and

do nothing because it’ll be the artists’ reputation in the crapper, not

yours.  By the time the lawsuits come in,

again, you’ll be long gone.  Your lawyer

can stall the suits for 3 years or better. 

And it’s free money.  You could

even book all the shows for the same night at $5,000 each and call back all the

promoters the day before to tell them you’ll come to whoever is the highest

bidder.  You might get double the price,

and if you were smart enough to ask everyone for open airplane tickets, you can

cash in the ones you don’t use and make some extra cash.  Again, it’s the artist reputation that

suffers, not yours.

The new 360 deals are a great way for you to make even more

money than you should (although it doesn’t much matter what you call the deal,

you’re never going to pay him anyway). 

With a 360 deal you can explain to him that you are building his career

so he can make a lot of show money, and then you can tap into a portion of that

income.  Your argument should be that you

are taking all the risk financially, so you should be able to tap into all of

the income sources from what your promotional dollars create.  If he stalls, remember to dangle an advance

in his face so he won’t be able to stall you out for long.  Keep other unsigned artists around so he

feels that if he doesn’t take the deal, someone else will.

 

It’s a good idea to keep the artist in the studio as much as

possible at first, because once he realizes you’re making all the money, it’ll

be hard to get him back in there.  The

studio is really where he wants to be anyway; he’s most comfortable there.  Keep him as high and as drunk as possible.  Aside from the fact that it will be easy to

control him then, the addiction will also keep him coming back to you.  He will want to be in the studio all the time

anyway, as he will be gung-ho to make his album.  Truth be told, rappers really only want fame

and p####, and when everyone thinks he has an album coming out, the women will

surround him, and he will feel like a star (even if his record never comes

out). 

 

Try to get him to make as many albums as possible, but don’t

tell him that’s what you’re doing.  Tell

him the songs he’s making don’t fit his image, or the production is inferior,

or that he is so much better than what you’re hearing.  If you tell him it isn’t commercial enough

and needs to be more radio friendly, which is the oldest label trick in the

book, you may get some static as artists may see this as “selling out,” which will

hurt his core beliefs (core beliefs are hard to sway).  You may need to lock him out of the studio or

cut off the supply of money and drugs, to get him to come around.  Once he does though, you can get a good 10 or

20 more songs with this one excuse.

 

If he has a lot of knuckleheads around him whispering in his

ear, or savvy industry folks around him all of a sudden, send him to a studio

more than a ten hour drive away.  This

will instantly put a stop to that crap, and being in a strange place will force

him to go to the studio because he’ll have nothing else to do.  You can easily control him with money

(keeping him waiting a few days for money when he’s broke and hungry will take

the fight out of anyone).  Never give him

too much at once.  The stress of bills

and starving are excellent incentive for him to act right, especially if he has

a baby’s mama and a kid or two.  Great

incentive.  By the time the paternity

suits and child support cases roll in, you’ll be long gone.

 

If you do put out a record for the rapper, keep him on the

road as much as possible.  Aside from the

show scam being a great source of income for you, it keeps him from begging you

for money constantly at home.  Be certain

he has his boy as his “manager” (preferably with no business or music industry

knowledge or connections), and has a tour manager that you assign, control, and

pay, that will report back to you immediately if there are any suspicions that

you aren’t doing what’s right.  When you hear

rumblings, fly to whatever city he’s in and spend time with him.  Buy him little gifts and get high with

him.  Remind him he’s part of something

bigger.  Strip bars in any city are

perfect locations for meetings.  Hookers

afterwards are appropriate gifts.  You

should be seen at all times to be taking care of his needs, especially

publicly.  This will attract hoards of

other artists to scam.

 

Things won’t get rough for you until about 9 months after

his record comes out and he realizes he’s still living with his Mom.  If you have multiple albums done, it won’t

matter as his “fame” will keep him promoting the subsequent albums.  He won’t want to lose that.  Without fame he’ll lose all the free stuff,

all the gratuitous p####, all the attention, all the free drinks and free

blunts… Fear of losing all this will keep him in line for awhile.  Rarely be kind to him.  The harder you are on him, and the harder you

are to please, the harder he’ll try to please you.  Kindness will only be taken as weakness and

he’ll control you.

 

Artists are not loyal. 

They jump to wherever the money is. 

If he’s more pimp than w####, he will eventually find other ways to make

money: (a) appearing on other artists’ albums for $10,000 (b) shows behind your

back for $5,000 which is more than you’re booking him for, (c) bootlegging his

own album, or (d) selling T-shirts or drugs at his own shows.  If you don’t have subsequent albums to

release, it’s important that you keep him broke so you can get him back in the

studio as soon as possible with the promise of money–his next advance.  If he’s a man destined to be pimped, he will

most likely jump ship to another camp with the same game, willing to give up a

bit more upfront cash incentive to him. 

Have a super sharp litigator on board to sue the other company

immediately, and either they’ll toss him out like a used condom or write you a

fat check to let him go.  It’s up to you,

since you legally own him.

 

In general, only give your artist what you have to, in order

to get him working.  If you give him too

much he’ll disappear til it runs out. 

For the second album, if you promise half now and half when he finishes

the album, it’s all gravy.  And if you’re

slick enough to use the studio excuses again to get even more songs out of him,

you’re a star!  By now he knows the

necessity of radio hits, so that “music needs to be more radio friendly” will

go a long way.  You can even entice him

by getting tracks from his favorite producers, and getting artists he admires

to work with him.  Both of these options

require an outlay of money, but you can trick multiple artists on your label

with the same track or the same guest appearance opportunity.  Also, you’ll sell more records in the long

run, and make more money that way, so it’s worth it.  If you have signed more than one artist, you

can pit them against each other for maximum effect.  They’ll even sabotage each other with little

effort on your part.  You can sit back

and enjoy the show.

 

If you’re an artist and you’re reading this, don’t get

p##### off because you got beat.  For 17

years, I have offered numerous free resources that teach you how to NOT get

jerked, but that would require time, investigation, and reading skills on your

part, and that just always seemed like too much work didn’t it.  With the plethora of info out there, and the

availability of trustworthy professionals to choose for your team, if any of

you do get jerked, shame on you.  You

have no one to blame but yourselves. 

You’ve been warned.  Enjoy that

blunt…