So, AllHipHop.com wants to do another annual “week,” eh? Well I am going to offer the real deal on the so-called AHH Week for all the people that might want to attend (and those that might not want to come through.”
THE ANNUAL BBQ
I don’t know who thought it was a good idea to offer free food to Hip-Hop heads, but these people did it. Notice, I didn’t include myself? I wanted to charge people about $10 a head to eat, but I was promptly overruled. Anyway, AllHipHop will offer free food from Mona Scott’s (of Violator Management) restaurant (Soul Food, y’all!) And, it should be dope with DJ Aqua on the wheels. He did an excellent job on the wheels of steel last year even though he made me carry the crates.
Now, I have to lay some laws down. Gentlemen, please don’t come to Brooklyn’s famed Prospect Park with sandals on. Nobody wants to see your ashy, Flintstone feet sticking out of some shoes. Ladies, most of you look good, but please don’t bring your message board squabbles to the BBQ. Last year, I heard a pair of nice, young ladies got into a disagreement on the net and found out they were kind of cool in person. (It helped that one of them was like 6’2” – Whoa!) Security is serious, but we don’t even think they will be needed. We all come in peace, right? Yes!
GAMERS UNITE FOR MADDEN ‘06
I admit, I haven’t played video games since the days of Atari, but everybody from grown a** men to kids love this Madden game. Therefore, they decided to host a tournament on SundayAug 21st. The first ever AllHipHop Madden 2006 Tournament! Now, I’m cool with this game, because my man Donovan McNabb of The Philadelphia Eagles is on the cover (what curse!?!) This competition is cool too and prizes will be awarded. Anybody that plays me will be guaranteed to win the tourney, because I suck. I will rock cats on pong though! By the way, I heard the T.O. on Madden 2006 is holding out for more gigabytes (OK, corny!).
THE FIGHT KLUB!
You know all about the Fight Klub rap battles right? If not, I’m here to educate and pull you from under that rock. It’s the rawest, most brutal battle ever known to Hip-Hop. With respect to BET and the ol’ Blaze battle—this ain’t that. Anyway, I’m hearing there is money in the pot, which will be given to the winner. Of course, we have been besieged with inquiries from every rapper on Earth, but this one is invite only. In fact, to attend you have to be invited by the AHH staff or the creators of the Fight Klub. Nevertheless, I don’t envy anybody that’s judging this contest (DJ Envy, Just Blaze and others)! The dudes are brutal on the mic, but I’m sure they are scouting talent as well. Check this out, “I’m so ill, I will punch a whole in you the same size as a steering wheel.” OK, this is why I write.
THE BREEDING GROUND…
This is the event that I want to see most – The Breeding Ground! Yes, AllHipHop’s infamous unsigned talent showcase comes to life. If you remember last year, you know that Saigon got the whole thing crunk with his expertise in hosting the event. But, this year Just Blaze’s flagship artist be performing with cats like Maino (Universal), also we have former Breeding Ground group from Chicago now signed Qualo (Universal), Da Backwudz (Rowdy/Universal), and SunNY (Virgin)! Wait, you say – they are signed, illseed.
The performing acts that have been featured on AHH are P-Wonda (North Carolina), Merc & Main (Virginia), Reef The Lost Cauze (Philadelphia), Curtains (Brooklyn), Scrooge (Bronx). All of them have been featured on AllHipHop.com! Now, this is being held at the Canal Room, not SOB’s like last year. First 50 babes, I mean ladies, get in free! Now, there are a lot of cats trying to do this, but if you were there last year, you know BR is not to be missed, my peoples. Hell, I might bust a move like Young MC.
THE SOCIAL LOUNGE…
This is actually my favorite event! Where else can you get rappers to actually sit and talk? The Social Lounge is the place to get it crunk without throwing a single ‘bow. This installment brings out Jim Jones, David Banner, Remy Martin, and Minister Kevin Muhammad of the Nation of Islam. A variety of topics will be discussed at SOB’s, but I’m not going to let the cat out of the bag. Actually, I should rethink that, because I don’t want PETA after me. Just when you think Hip-Hop has no brain, common sense, hope or compassion for anything living, AllHipHop engages the intellect. Oh yeah – IT’S FREE!
AHHHHH…THE GROWN & SEXY FINALE…
Now, this event is for people with class, elegance and have a flair for fashion. That means if you are young, old, fly and flashy…the Celebrity Urban Fashion Show is for you! Now, the hosts are two of the finest ladies to walk on the face of Mother Earth – Toccara (“America’s Next Top Model” & “Celebrity Fit Club”) and Egypt of Power 105.1 and “Home Delivery.” Now, I have to say I love the way Egypt can help a person with no ears or no hair on “Home Delivery.” And Toccara, you don’t need to lose no weight, homegirl. That’s right I said no weight, improper English and all that.
Moving on, some of the best and brightest talents will be gracing our runway. This includes Ron Artest (NBA All-Star and Knock-out Artist), Anson Carter (Black NHL All-Star), Jae Millz (the New New Yawker), Grafh (The Black Eminem), Denim (an amazing singer), Mad Linx (Why is B2K on “106”and not you?), Maya Azucena (another fly singing sis), Sickamore (America’s Next Top Mogul), Babs (Bad Boy’s Bad Girl) many more to be announced! There are will also be a performance by AZ and copies of 50 Cent’s new book will be given out!
As for me, I’m a jersey-wearin,’ Tim-rockin,’ over-sized fitted lovin,’ so-and-so, but I might have to get my ol’ fake Kanye coat out for this one. So there you have it…the illseed breakdown of AllHipHop Week 05.